The Original College Football Czar

2023-24 Bowl Game Picks

a sports publication from The Shinbone, by Daniel Clark

Week fourteen in review: Even though the people who are bent on ruining college football are already getting their way with next year's CFP expansion, they now complain that it's not happening fast enough, but that at least a 12-team field was needed this season, as evidenced by the exclusion of undefeated Florida State, as well as Georgia and Ohio State. The College Football Czar contends that not only is the four-team format big enough, but a lot of controversy would have been avoided if the old BCS system were still being used. We would have our national championship game between Michigan and Washington, and everyone else could just go away.

Look at the Top 12 in the current CFP rankings, and figure the way an expanded playoff would go if it existed this season. In the first round, teams 5-12 would play each other, producing two rematches from the regular season, in Georgia-Ole Miss and Ohio State-Penn State. If an undermanned #5 Florida State were to lose to #12 Oklahoma, then the quarterfinals would be likely to feature two conference championship rematches: Alabama-Georgia and Washington-Oregon III. Is this really what football fans want? Really?

No matter how much the CFP expands, there will always be a Last In-First Out controversy. This even exists in basketball, with a 68-team field. Okay, so FSU has a legitimate claim that it might be the #4 team, but the whole purpose of the CFP is to make sure the best team in the nation is not left out, and nobody believes the Seminoles are the best in the nation. Whatever controversies exist in determining this year's four-team field will not be resolved next year. Not only will a couple teams just outside the Top 12 start squawking, but there will be a #5 team that is arguably better than one or two of the conference champions that get a first-round bye. There will be "fairness" concerns about the fact that four of the group-of-five conference champions will be left out in favor of power-five also-rans. Once we have accepted the proposition that any team that is not arguably the best in the nation is entitled to a playoff spot, the controversy can never end.

Since most of the bowl games are broadcast on ESPN or a related channel, you'll be seeing a lot of their "analytics" graphics, with a big green arrow saying "GO" if it's fourth down and less than four. Please do your best to ignore this, because it's totally meaningless, in that it does not take into consideration the spot on the field, the clock, the strength of the opposing defense, key injuries for either team, or just about anything else. When down and distance are the only two variables being factored in, that is not analytical; it is superstitious.

The College Football Czar does not mean to condone binge drinking or anything, but if you want to get really sloshed in a jiffy, try taking a drink every time an announcer or studio analyst desperately forces Deion Sanders into the conversation, in spite of his utter irrelevance as he sits home with a record of 4-8.

Following an early November rally, the College Football Czar ended on a down note by splitting the ten conference championship games. Adding Army's last-second goal line stand against Navy, his Week 14 record was 6-5. For the regular season, he finished at 168-93, for a .644 winning percentage.

We don't know how many more years we'll be able to enjoy Bowl Season, so kick back, relax, and be sure to call DoorDash. Not because you're hungry, but just because you want that irritating schlemiel from the commercials to come to your door, so you can beat the phlegm out of him.

Dec. 16 (Saturday)

Myrtle Beach Bowl -- Conway, SC -- 11AM (ESPN)

Ohio (9-3) vs. Georgia Southern (6-6)

It used to seem cheap when a major conference team would be invited to a bowl game with a record of 6-5. Today, every team that wins six games gets invited, even if it is in a puny conference, and even if one of those six wins was against a lower-division team. Hence, the Eagles are the first of seven Sun Belt Conference teams that will be playing a postseason game with a record of 6-6, which in their case should only really count as 5-6, since they opened the season by beating up on Division I-AA opponent The Citadel.

The Bobcats have allowed the fewest points of anybody outside the Big Ten this year at 15.4 per game, ranking them fifth behind Michigan, Ohio State, Penn State and Iowa. They fared even better than the Hawkeyes did in terms of total yardage.

Former Tulsa quarterback Davis Brin might have thought a change of scenery would do him some good in Statesboro, but the sight of opposing jerseys jumping all over his passes hasn't changed a bit. For the second time in three seasons, he leads the nation in interceptions, equaling his 2021 mark of 16.

The all-time career leader in interceptions thrown is Timmy Chang of Hawaii, with 80. Chang, of course, is now the head coach of that same Rainbow Warrior team. He must get a lot of mileage out of Dauber's "we're not talking about me, we're talking about you" speech.

Ohio 27, Georgia Southern 10

New Orleans Bowl -- New Orleans, obviously -- 2:15 (ESPN)

Jacksonville State (8-4) vs. La.-Lafayette (6-6)

Because of an insufficient number of bowl-eligible teams, the Gamecocks were the other team along with James Madison that was given a dispensation by the NCAA, allowing them to play in a bowl game in spite of being a "transitional" Division I-A program, whatever in tarnation that means.

This is almost a home game for the Ragin Cajuns, who have a record of 5-1 here, all since 2011. Ironically, they did once host the New Orleans Bowl at Cajun Field when it was displaced by Hurricane Katrina, but ULL was not a participant in that game.

The elevation of Jax State means the return to Division I-A of head coach Rich Rodriguez. Formerly of West Virginia, Michigan and Arizona, Rich Rod has the distinction of being the most visibly angry man in college football. It's a little-known fact that he and UCLA coach Chip Kelly get paid royalties whenever people use those frowny and smiley emoticons.

La.-Lafayette 35, Jacksonville State 23

Cure Bowl -- Orlando -- 3:30 (ABC)

Miami OH (11-2) vs. Appalachian State (8-5)

In the MAC championship game, Aveon flew for 99 rushing yards, but the RedHawk QB's passing game was grounded. In the 23-14 upset of New Year's Six contender Toledo, Aveon Smith completed only 6 of 16 passes, dropping his completion percentage for the season to an even 50.0.

The Mountaineers have the distinction of being the only team yet to defeat James Madison in a Division I-A football game, 26-23 in overtime in Week 12. That was part of a five-game winning streak that came to a crashing halt in a 49-23 loss to Troy in the Sun Belt championship game. They were only down by four at the end of the third quarter, but then they fumbled away 14 points in the final frame.

This year's sponsor is "Avocados From Mexico," which has got to be the worst marketing blunder since Bud Light. If you're trying to persuade somebody to put something in his mouth, do not tell him it's from the home of Montezuma's Revenge, worms in bottles, and Frida Kahlo.

Appalachian State 29, Miami OH 21

New Mexico Bowl -- Albuquerque -- 5:45 (ESPN)

Fresno State (8-4) vs. New Mexico State (10-4)

Before the season, if you told the College Football Czar that there would be a three-way tie atop the final Mountain West standings but that the Bulldogs would not be involved, he would have told you that it was about as likely as NMSU playing in a Conference USA championship game. So, you see, the Czar would have been right, if stupidly so.

FSU skipper Jeff Tedford has temporarily stepped aside to address an unspecified health problem, leaving his team in the hands of his appropriately named assistant Tim Skipper. Hopefully, things turn out as well for Tedford as they have for his counterpart, Jerry Kill, who has rebounded from a sideline seizure during a stint at Minnesota to lead the Aggies to their first 10-win season since 1960.

The Dogs were 8-1 after a big win over Boise State, but then QB Mikey Keene left the first half against San Jose State with a concussion. His team ended the season with three consecutive setbacks, including two against last-place teams New Mexico and San Diego State. There seems to be little doubt that Keene will return for this game, however.

No worries for traveling fans, because you can't get Montezuma's Revenge in New Mexico. Bob Newhart says in this country, we have Warren G. Harding's Revenge, although the Czar has thankfully never contracted it. Just to be on the safe side, it's probably best to avoid avocados, wherever you are.

Fresno State 37, New Mexico State 32

LA Bowl -- Los Angeles -- 7:30 (ABC)

Boise State (8-5) vs. UCLA (7-5)

Dominant defensive lineman Laiatu Latu is abandoning the Bruins so that he may -- all together now -- "prepare for the draft." Good thing he's getting an early jump on that. The last thing the College Football Czar would want is for him to suddenly get drafted before he's ready. Heaven knows if he didn't start laying the groundwork before Christmas, he'd be too late. The very fact that sports journalists can report trash like this without skepticism is reason number 113(c) why nobody trusts them anymore.

Bronco running back Ashton Jeanty was expected by many to leave early for the NFL, but he has decided to stay in Boise for another year and further develop his skills. "I was able to really sit down and think about things," he said. "Not just the money, but every single detail." Not just the money? That shows what he knows. As every officially smart person will tell you, "It's all about da munny! It's all about da munny! It's all about da munny! [repeat until stupid]"

This game is no longer named the Jimmy Kimmel L.A. Bowl, which is a good thing for many reasons, one of which is that a year ago, the alleged comedian dropped by the booth to inform the TV audience that they were watching a really crappy game in which he had no genuine interest. The bowl committee can count on a little more enthusiasm this year, now that it is being billed as the L.A. Bowl, Hosted by Gronk.

But what does that even mean? For the past two years, Jimmy Kimmel Live had been the game's sponsor. Rob Gronkowski, by comparison, is not a product, but for some reason is "hosting" the game. Oh, well. At least he's funny.

Boise State 28, UCLA 19

Independence Bowl -- Shreveport -- 9:15 (ESPN)

California (6-6) vs. Texas Tech (6-6)

The hibernating Golden Bears have awakened to average 34 points over their past three games, to rally their way into the postseason. For most of the year, WR Jeremiah Hunter was out foraging for nuts and berries (yeesh!), but in a regular season-ending 33-7 victory over UCLA, he finally had his first 100-yard game of the year, gaining 101 on eight catches. Much of the reason for his statistical decline is that he has had to share the ball with a ground game that has been almost twice as productive as it was a year ago.

Red Raider running back Tahj Brooks has rushed for more than 100 yards in each of eight games in his past ten. The only reason he isn't 10-for-10 is that his team was trailing in those other two games, and abandoned the run with him just a few yards short.

In less than one season, Cal offensive coordinator Jake Spavital has already been hired away, and will hold the same position for a different bunch of bears at Baylor. During his brief appearance in Berkeley, his offense produced the Pac 12's leading rusher, Jaydn Ott, with 1,260 yards. In the coach's absence, Ott is out to show that he had more than a little to do with that himself.

The team from the Bay Area couldn't be more excited to play in the In Dependence Bowl, where every member of the winning team is given a taxpayer-funded prize of a tent, a shopping cart, and free needles for life.

California 23, Texas Tech 21

Dec. 18 (Monday)

Famous Toastery Bowl (no, really!) -- Charlotte -- 2:30AM (ESPN)

Western Kentucky (7-5) vs. Old Dominion (6-6)

The College Football Czar is now officially sorry that he ever laughed at the Poulan-Weedeater Independence Bowl. At least a Weedeater is something. When something bothers to call itself famous, that sounds a little defensive to start out with, but we already have the Famous Idaho Potato Bowl. Does toastery, whatever that is, really think it's more famous than Idaho potatoes? Absolutely nobody thinks so, but the Czar has decided to say it's true anyway, just to be a contrary crank. Isn't that the way this sports analysis stuff works?

Actually, Famous Toastery is a Charlotte-based restaurant chain that serves breakfast all day. There aren't any of these near the Czar's hometown, so he cannot vouch for their quality, but even on their own website, they make it look like mediocre hotel food. So let's entitle this bad sequel, Son O' Beef O' Brady.

Last year, Hilltopper QB Andre Reed had entered the transfer portal just long enough for the Czar to pick his team to lose the New Orleans Bowl to South Alabama. Then, he changed his mind and came back, and threw for 497 yards and four TDs in a 44-23 victory.

With the exception of a lopsided loss to undefeated Liberty, every one of the Monarchs' games has been decided by seven points or fewer. In their last outing, they spotted Georgia State a 21-0 halftime lead, but came back for the winning score as time ran out.

This game is actually the Bahamas Bowl, having been relocated stateside for this year while Thomas Robinson Stadium in Nassau is being renovated. It would be nice if they would take out the running track, but since the building was named after a Bahaman Olympic track athlete, that isn't likely. In the meantime, this bowl will be moved to Jerry Richardson Stadium on the campus of UNCC. This facility, named after the founder of the Carolina Panthers, holds just under 20,000, making it a far better host for this game than the 75,000-seat Bank of America Stadium in which the Panthers play.

Yes, we have no Bahamas.

Sorry.

Western Kentucky 33, Old Dominion 26

Dec. 19 (Tuesday)

Frisco Bowl -- Frisco, TX (not S.F.) -- 9:00 (ESPN)

Marshall (6-6) vs. UTSA (8-4)

The Roadrunners stay close to home, but they step outside the Alamodome to play this game al frisco. They are only 3-3 in open-air stadiums this season, including a 29-16 loss to Tulane that kept them out of the AAC championship game.

The Thundering Herd have the leading kick return game in the Sun Belt Conference, which gives them a chance to remain competitive in this game, in which they can expect to return kickoffs with disconcerting frequency. If they can consistently give themselves good starting field position, and then are able to force a few turnovers, they've got a chance.

Before the moo-men jumped to the Sun Belt, these teams played three league games as Conference USA foes. Texas-San Antonio scraped up a combined total of just 19 points, for an average of 6.3 per game. That won't hold up. Just an hunch.

About the loss of QB Cam Fancher to the transfer portal, head coach Charles Huff said, "There isn't a lot of money for NIL, and the fans hate him. The kid has been miserable." What a peculiar thing for a coach to say about his school's own fans. What he probably meant to get across was that Fancher's one-to-one TD-to-interception ratio (with 11 of each) had not endeared him to the home crowd. Moreover, Huff is obviously making a plea to boosters to cough up more NIL money, but why should they? To prevent the hated players form transferring out?

UTSA 55, Marshall 28

Dec. 21 (Thursday)

Boca Raton Bowl -- Rat Mouth -- 8:00 (ESPN)

Syracuse (6-6) vs. South Florida (6-6)

Before moving on to the College Football Czar's official pick for this contest, he must ask why there is no Wednesday game. Seriously. With the exception of NFL Sundays, there should never be a gameless day during bowl season. There are two noon games the following Saturday. Why is the Camellia Bowl being played then, instead of on Wednesday night, with a time slot to itself?

The team with the Jack's Links Beef Jerky helmet logo must have spent the last five years messin with sasquatch instead of practicing. In 2018, USF lost its last six games, including the Gasparilla Bowl, after a 7-0 start. They have since had four losing seasons, before scratching out a .500 record to reach this game.

Since the firing of Dino Babers, interim Orange coach Nunzio Campanile guided his team to a 35-31 win over Wake Forest to qualify for the postseason. One might question the wisdom of dismissing the coach of a bowl-bound team, but SU finished eleventh in the underperforming ACC, and only padded its overall record with a putrid nonconference schedule.

The Czar never understood the selling point of those Jack's Links commercials. "Buy our beef jerky, and Bigfoot will beat the snot out of you." Thank you, no.

Syracuse 17, South Florida 10

Dec. 22 (Friday)

Gasparilla Bowl -- Tampa -- 6:30 (ESPN)

Georgia Tech (6-6) vs. Central Florida (6-6)

The Yellowjackets had initially been invited to play Troy in the Birmingham Bowl, but the ACC managed to have the positions swapped between them and Duke. How does that work, exactly? Did Eliot Ness tell the bowl committee members that their names were on the list?

R.J. Harvey is not a six-foot rabbit, but the Knights must wish he could multiply, the way the senior running back has carried his team into the postseason. In four November games, Harvey rushed for 584 yards and ten touchdowns.

Tech pecked its way back into the game against then-#1 Georgia, scoring ten fourth-quarter points to pull within eight, but their defense was unable to stop their old-fashioned-hated foes from grinding out the clock for a 31-23 final.

Yes, they are still persisting with the Gasparilla Bowl, the game named after the one primate in the world whose company you would least enjoy.

Georgia Tech 28, Central Florida 24

Dec. 23 (Saturday)

Camellia Bowl -- Montgomery -- Noon (ESPN)

Northern Illinois (6-6) vs. Arkansas State (6-6)

The Red Wolves opened the season with a 73-0 loss to Oklahoma, but by November, they became bowl-eligible by obliterating Texas State, 77-31. ASU needs to pile up the points when it can, because it ranks #13 in the 14-team Sun Belt in total defense.

These teams were conference opponents when NIU briefly belonged to the Big West from 1993-95. Overall, the Huskies hold a 7-1 advantage in the head-to-head series, most recently prevailing 38-20 in the GoDaddy Bowl at the end of the 2011 season.

Da club from DeKalb began da season by bumping off Boston College, but overall, they are arguably the weakest team to play in a bowl game this year, with losses to Nebraska, Central Michigan, Tulsa and Division I-AA Southern Illinois.

If you had a bowl of camellia, they would all conform to the same color, but how would they determine what color that would be?

Oh, camellia is not the plural of chameleon? Never mind.

Arkansas State 42, Northern Illinois 26

Birmingham Bowl -- um ... Birmingham -- Noon (ABC)

Duke (7-5) vs. Troy (11-2)

The reason the Blue Devils were switched with Georgia Tech was to avoid a Duke-UCF rematch from last year's Military Bowl. Reasonable enough, but how did nobody catch that until after the initial matchups had already been announced on national television? No matter how it happened, the Czar cannot argue with the end result, as each of the two bowl games is more evenly matched than it otherwise would have been.

Each team enters the game without its head coach, with Mike Elko leaving Durham to return to Texas A&M, where he had previously been defensive coordinator, while the Old College Troy must move on without Jon Sumrall, who has been hired away by Tulane.

If the Trojans take the lead in this game, look for them to lean heavily on tailback Kimani Vidal, who currently trails Oklahoma State RB Ollie Gordonii for first in the nation, by 32 yards. In the Sun Belt championship game, Vidal looked good whether you did or not, as he romped for 233 yards and five touchdowns against Appalachian State.

Freshman Devil quarterback Grayson Loftis lofted the ball 37 times for 20 completions and 248 yards in a 30-19 win against Pitt to end the regular season. The previous game, he passed for a season-high 270 yards, but his team was defeated at Virginia, 30-27. Oh well, it's better to have loft and lost than never to have loft at all.

Troy 30, Duke 27

Armed Forces Bowl -- Fort Worth -- 3:30 (ABC)

James Madison (11-1) vs. Air Force (8-4)

The Dukes have played dominant defense within their own conference, but they've struggled when stepping up in competition, allowing 35 points to Virginia and 38 to Utah State. Now they face a Falcon team that may be on a losing streak, but still finished two games ahead of USU in the Mountain West standings.

Conventional wisdom says that triple-option teams fare poorly in the postseason because opposing defenses have had more time to prepare for them, but then why do the three military academies have a combined record of 32-27-2 in bowl games? Furthermore, what accounts for the historic success of Nebraska and Oklahoma when those schools ran the wishbone? In short, the Czar isn't buying it.

When the College Football Czar first wrote that opening paragraph, he had a typo that said the Falcons were "two gams" ahead of USU. That would be a pretty good incentive to be the team running behind.

For the benefit of the Czar's younger readers, "gams" was a slang term that referred to an attractive woman's legs, which was commonly used way back in, oh, about 2005 or so.

Air Force 25, James Madison 21

Famous Idaho Potato Bowl -- Boise -- 3:30 (ESPN)

Georgia State (6-6) vs. Utah State (6-6)

GSU started the season 6-1, but has since lost five in a row, which isn't completely surprising, since three of those games were against LSU, James Madison and Appalachian State. The Panthers had a chance to salvage a winning record against Old Dominion, but they blew a 21-0 lead and lost 25-24, on a touchdown run with no time left on the clock.

The Aggies have only lost to quality opponents, including nonconference foes JMU and Iowa. The six teams that have defeated them have got a combined record of 52-22. Conversely, the best team they have beaten is 5-7 Colorado State.

USU quarterback Levi Williams has just become the starter, but he has already announced that he will not be back for his senior year. Instead, he will begin training to become a Navy SEAL. If he graduates, then he will be just like Jesse Ventura, except that he will be a Navy SEAL. Just kidding. Williams will have nothing at all in common with Ventura, the former Reform Party governor of Minnesota and current Green Party crackpot, who thinks the Twin Towers were brought down by a controlled demolition, shortly after they coincidentally happened to be hit by airplanes. Falsely claiming to be a SEAL is par for the course for this guy. His previous career as a professional rassler was the height of his credibility.

The Idaho potato may be famous, but it can't have much Name, Image and Likeness value, because the likeness of every spud is the same.

The College Football Czar humbly apologizes for that vegetablist remark.

Utah State 41, Georgia State 27

68 Ventures Bowl -- Mobile -- 7:00 (ESPN)

Eastern Michigan (6-6) vs. South Alabama (6-6)

EMU has failed on its past seven forays into the South, last winning a game at Charlotte in 2016. In fact, that has been its only victory below the Mason-Dixon line since becoming a Division I program in 1975.

The Jaguars have been putting on a high uar act all season long, never being more than one game above or below .500. One might have expected them to go on a run after a 33-7 thrashing of Oklahoma State in Stillwater back in Week 3, but they were halted on their home field by Central Michigan seven days later. Their focus in that game was so lacking that they might not be aware that this EMU team is actually a different opponent.

When the Czar saw the name "68 Ventures," he hoped that it meant the band that played "Walk, Don't Run" and the theme to Hawaii Five-O was being backed up by a symphony orchestra. That would have been groovy.

South Alabama 24, Eastern Michigan 14

Las Vegas Bowl -- north of Needles -- 7:30 (ABC)

Northwestern (7-5) vs. Utah (8-4)

The slogan says what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas, but Sin City has got nothing on Evanston, whence there remains remarkably little information about exactly what in the world went on there that precipitated the preseason firing of Pat Fitzgerald.

Today's tragic state of college football is such that every team's roster is depleted for its bowl game, but this could even the odds for the injury-ravaged Utes, who have been rendered uncharacteristically shallow at tight end, among other positions.

Only in the Big Ten West could a team finish in second place while rushing for an even 3.0 yards per carry, but that's just what the Wildcats have done. Only seven teams in the entire nation are worse in that regard, including Akron, Florida International and Colorado.

In order to drive either of these offenses downfield, somebody is going to have to borrow that electric cattle prod from Casino.

Utah 13, Northwestern 7

Hawaii Bowl -- Honolulu -- 10:30 (ESPN)

Coastal Carolina (7-5) vs. San Jose State (7-5)

The Spartans deserve to be rewarded with a trip to Hawaii, after the way they got jobbed out of the Mountain West championship game. SJSU finished the regular season on a six-game winning streak, culminating in a 37-31 victory in Las Vegas, which tied them with UNLV and Boise State at the top of the standings. The MWC broke the three-way tie using computer ratings, which basically means the conference standings were decided by nonconference results, so that big road win over the Rebels was essentially meaningless.

The Chanticleers are led by Kansas transfer Ethan Vasko, a redshirt freshman QB who began the year as the third-stringer. In three starts, his completion percentage and TD-to-INT ration are more than respectable, but the deep ball has all but dropped out of the playbook since starter Grayson McCall was lost to a concussion.

This game will continue to be played at the on-campus T.C. Ching Athletic Complex either until it goes defunct or until 2028, which is when the new Aloha Stadium is expected to be finished. That project is moving along more slowly than Kam Fong jogging on the beach.

San Jose State 31, Coastal Carolina 25

Dec. 26 (Tuesday)

Quick Lane Bowl -- Detroit -- 2:00 (ESPN)

Minnesota (5-7) vs. Bowling Green (7-5)

With one bowl berth left open, the NCAA has allowed the radiant rodents to take this bid opposite BGSU, because they had outshone the other 5-7 teams academically. They don't really need to be so smart to realize what a dangerous game this is, against the same MAC opponent that upended them on their home field two years ago.

The Falcons came one point away from ending the regular season on a five-game winning streak. In a bitter 32-31 loss to neighboring rival Toledo, oft-injured QB Connor Bazelak was not on the field for his team's last three possessions, as they were outscored 15-3 in the final quarter. He played well a week later in a win over Western Michigan, though, and ought to be good to go against the Golden Gophers.

There was reportedly a great deal of discontent within this Gopher program, having mostly to do with head coach P.J. Fleck's excessive intensity and irritating motivational devices. The College Football Czar is guessing that there are a lot of guys on this team who are not very happy about having to endure an additional month of that stuff. If they were really so smart, they would have gotten worse grades and stayed home.

Bowling Green 21, Minnesota 20

First Responder Bowl -- Dallas -- 5:30 (ESPN)

Texas State (7-5) vs. Rice (6-6)

The Bobcats came back from a 77-31 embarrassment against Arkansas State to beat South Alabama 52-44, but again they fell apart as the game went on, after taking a 24-0 lead. The worst part of that A-State game was that their opponents did not run up the score, but instead tallied the last four TDs by returning a fumble, a kickoff and two interceptions, on plays ranging from 50 to 91 yards. That doesn't happen, except on a team that has totally given up.

Owl quarterback J.T. Daniels, previously of USC, Georgia and West Virginia, has announced his retirement from football, citing multiple concussions. Since he last played almost a month ago, redshirt freshman A.J. Padgett has stepped in and played nearly as well. Against F.L. Atlantic, he threw for 255 yards and three TDs, to earn his team a bowl bid the old-fashioned way, unlike last year, when academics got them into the Lendingtree Bowl with a losing record.

It's a little-known fact that the First Responder Bowl was named after Arnold Horshack. "Oooh! Oooh!"

Rice 55, Texas State 41

Guaranteed Rate Bowl -- Phoenix -- 9:00 (ESPN)

Kansas (8-4) vs. UNLV (9-4)

After the Rebels' past two appearances at home in Las Vegas, their act is about as fresh as that of Wayne Newton. Having advanced to the Mountain West championship game in spite of a regular season-ending loss to San Jose State, they got bullied by Boise State in that title game, 44-20.

Jayhawk running back Devin Neal notched three 100-yard games in a row to end the regular season, even though he was only given ten carries in KU's most recent outing, a 49-16 stomping of Cincinnati. He has tallied at least one touchdown in each of his last five games, giving him a total of 16, including the one he scored on a reception.

Wayne Newton is probably best known for the song, "Danke Schoen," which happens to be German for, "I'm a thick-necked woman."o:p>

Okay, so the College Football Czar is making that up, but you'll swear it's true anytime you hear him singing it from now on.

Kansas 63, UNLV 35

Dec. 27 (Wednesday)

Military Bowl -- Annapolis -- 2:00 (ESPN)

Tulane (11-2) vs. Virginia Tech (6-6)

The Green Wave gave away a chance for another New Year's Six bid, losing to undermanned SMU in the AAC title game, 26-14. In truth, TU had been teetering all season, with its offensive production down by 65 yards and nine points a game from 2022. The Czar does not anticipate an outburst at this point, with head coach Willie Fritz having been hired away by Houston.

The Gobblers have gotten by with wins over the bottom five teams in their conference. They have not defeated an ACC team that finished the season with a winning record since beating a barely over-.500 Boston College team in October of 2020. Happily for them, they do not have to do that here.

Annapolis not as round as an orange. See? Everybody says you shouldn't compare those two things, and yet here the College Football Czar is doing just that. He's just rebellious that way.

Chicks dig that.

Virginia Tech 24, Tulane 19

Duke's Mayo Bowl -- Charlotte -- 5:30 (ESPN)

West Virginia (8-4) vs. North Carolina (8-4)

In what has got to be the most successful bowl game sponsorship of all time, Duke's Mayo has made itself a household name nationwide, partly because the winning coach is practically obligated to dump a barrel of the product over his head. The reason the game is talked about so much is that the majority of viewers find mayonnaise revolting, but as P.T. Barnum said, there's no such thing as bad publicity. Then again, as C.F. Czar said, there are such things as bad condiments.

If not for a ludicrous loss to Houston after taking the lead with 12 seconds remaining, the Mountaineers would have tied Oklahoma and Okie State for second place in the Big XII. Jahiem White, a 5-7 freshman, has become his team's top back late in the season, gaining 792 yards on only 97 carries, for an average of 8.2.

For the second year in a row, the Tar Heels have cried UNC-le in the second half of the season, dropping four of their last six after a 6-0 start. Last year, they did turn it around to play a great game in the Holiday Bowl, albeit in a 28-27 loss to Oregon. This time, they are playing neither ducks nor drakes, as QB Drake Maye is skipping this game "to prepare for the draft." What does that entail, exactly? Ready for the draft? Yup. Nothing about that should add up to disloyalty to the team that has counted on him for the past three seasons.

Wait a minute, mayonnaise is really called mayo for short? All these years, the Czar thought Sgt. Foley was being witty.

West Virginia 20, North Carolina 13

Holiday Bowl -- San Diego -- 8:00 (FOX)

Louisville (10-3) vs. USC (7-5)

In the most predictable development in college football since the firing of Gerry Faust, 2022 Heisman Trophy winner Caleb Williams has opted to abandon his Southern Cal teammates for their bowl game. Then again, the Trojans have lost five of their last six games with him in the lineup, so perhaps he's not as great a loss as one might suppose. The only person who didn't see his early departure coming is head coach Lincoln Riley, who now says he wishes he had gotten backup Miller Moss more snaps during the regular season. Gee, how was Riley to know he would need the inexperienced sophomore for his bowl game? It was only bound to happen ever since, oh, Week 8 or so.

The Cards' house has finally fallen, in back-to-back losses to Kentucky and Florida State. Jack Plummer has passed for more than 3,000 yards, but he is tied with Miami's Tyler Van Dyke for the ACC lead in interceptions, with 12.

UK is a formidable defensive team, however, and FSU an outstanding one, but this Trojan team is practically defenseless. The Greeks would not have had to hide in a hollow horse to breach their perimeter. They could have just wheeled it in themselves, while setting off firecrackers and singing "We Are the Champions."

Louisville 31, USC 20

Texas Bowl -- Houston -- 9:00 (ESPN)

Oklahoma State (9-4) vs. Texas A&M (7-5)

The Conjunction Boys will be making a connection to a new regime next season, when Mike Elko becomes their head coach. In the meantime, they've still got interim coach Elijah Robinson, who has a record of 1-1 with a win over Division I-AA Abeline Christian. On the opposite sideline stands Mike Gundy, who is nearing the end of his eighteenth season in Stillwater with a record of 165-79.

For the Cowboys, bedlam has only started since their big victory in the final game of their rivalry series with Oklahoma. At that point, they had won five in a row, downing both Kansas clubs along with OU. Their next game was an inexplicable 45-3 pummeling at the hands of a mediocre Central Florida team. From there, they managed to squirm past Houston and BYU, before being embarrassed by Texas in the Big XII championship game, 49-21.

An SEC team with a 7-5 record might look respectable enough, but in their nonconference schedule, the Agathas made Miami look like a national contender, and padded their record against New Mexico, Louisiana-Monroe and that lower-division ACU team.

This game seems to lack character, being lamely called the Texas Bowl, when in fact there are seven bowl games in Texas, not including this year's CFP championship. The game needs to be more closely related to Houston, perhaps by calling it the Rocket Bowl or the Jumbo Shrimp Bowl. Or maybe, for pseudo-sports nostalgists, they could call it the Rollerbowl, and have all the players wear those nifty Jonathan E. uniforms, with the motorcycle helmets and two-bar facemasks.

Safety, schmafety. We're talking coolness here.

Oklahoma State 40, Texas A&M 28

Dec. 28 (Thursday)

Fenway Bowl -- Boston -- 11AM (ESPN)

SMU (11-2) vs. Boston College (6-6)

Just as the CFP omitted Florida State from the final four because its starting quarterback is injured, it has obviously deprived Southern Methodist of the group-of-five New Year's bid because of the injury to Preston Stone. In doing so, the committee ignored a Mustang defense that ranks #12 in the nation in both yards and points allowed, and which took apart Tulane, 26-14 in the AAC championship game.

Don't expect the home team to put up many crooked numbers on the old-time scoreboard. The Eagles have eclipsed the 30-point mark only twice all season, and one of those was in a narrow 31-28 escape against Division I-AA Holy Cross.

What a brilliant idea, having a college football game in the ballpark that brought us "Sweet Caroline." Once they start playing it, perhaps we could lock all the gates and never let her out again.

SMU 34, Boston College 7

Pinstripe Bowl -- New York -- 2:15 (ESPN)

Miami (7-5) vs. Rutgers (6-6)

The Scarlet Knights aren't really slumping, so much as their 6-2 start and 0-4 finish were predetermined by their schedule. Their current four-game losing streak consists of games against Ohio State, Iowa, Penn State and Maryland.

The Hurricanes' season has not been without its high points, having upended both Texas A&M and Clemson, nor has the team been without its offensive stars. Wide receiver Xavier Restrepo can repo his rest during the offseason. In the meantime, he is wearing out defenses, for an average of 6.73 catches and 90.3 yards per game.

In eleven meetings as Big East opponents, the Canes went 11-0 against RU. Their first game back in 1993 was by far their most competitive one, with a final score of 31-17. The average score for the series is 46-10.

What is it about a bowl game named after vertical-striped uniforms that leads the College Football Czar to believe The U will feel right at home there?

Miami 23, Rutgers 3

Pop Tarts Bowl -- Orlando -- 5:45 (ESPN)

Kansas State (8-4) vs. Nc State (9-3)

This is the same game that had been called the Cheez-It Bowl for the past two seasons. Memo to everybody who complained about how silly that was: Happy now?

Since returning to the lineup three games ago, senior slinger Brennan Armstrong has thrown six TDs and no interceptions, while completing 70.3 percent of his passes. Meanwhile, M.J. Morris, who presumed to redshirt himself after four starts, has entered the transfer portal. Somebody should have told him that a player's value is diminished when he saves the season by refusing to play.

The Wildcats have lost a QB through the portal also, but a far more valuable one in Will Howard. Freshman Avery Johnson has played very well in very limited action, with a total of 301 yards for the season, with three TDs and no picks.

The whole point of Pop Tarts is that you don't need a bowl. It's a breakfast finger food, like oatmeal.

Nc State 30, Kansas State 18

Alamo Bowl -- San Antonio -- 9:15 (ESPN)

Arizona (9-3) vs. Oklahoma (10-2)

It's Arizona and Oklahoma. What does it matter? What does it matter?

Maybe not that much to Sooner fans, many of whom are upset that their team did not nab a New Year's Six bid. They might actually have a more dangerous opponent in this game, offensively, at least. The Wildcats have won their last six games, four of those against teams that were ranked at the time. If you haven't heard of WR Tatairoa McMillan, that's just because nobody wants to try to say his name. The sophomore streaker is the third-leading receiver in the Pac 12, behind Roman Odunze of Washington and Troy Franklin of Oregon.

Jackson Arnold will be playing quarterback for OU in this game. Whatchootalkinbout? Just that Dillon Gabriel has transferred to Oregon, which is a bad move by the Ducks. Regardless of how good a player is, there's little reason to bring him in for one season, knowing that he isn't going to see it through anyway.

By "streaker," the Czar only meant that McMillan can run really fast, not that he's buck nekked, or anything. The way wide receivers behave on the field these days, you never know.

Arizona 24, Oklahoma 21

Dec. 29 (Friday)

Gator Bowl -- Jacksonville -- Noon (ESPN)

Kentucky (7-5) vs. Clemson (8-4)

These teams have met in bowl games three times before, although this is arguably the biggest one, the Peach Bowl having been a fairly minor bowl when the Tigers prevailed there 14-13 in 1993. They have since split a pair of games in the Music City Bowl, in 2006 and 2009.

The Wildcats are another inflated SEC team that believes the strength of its league excuses it from scheduling quality nonconference opponents. Before they beat Louisville in their regular season finale, their non-SEC foes were two of the worst teams in the MAC (Ball State and Akron), and Division I-AA Eastern Kentucky.

The Son of Clem can be expected to minimize the impact of its defensive opt-outs by keeping the ball in the hands of its reliable running back duo of Will Shipley and Phil Mafah. The two have combined for 1,692 rushing yards, and another 340 yards in receptions. That's 2,032 of what are commonly referred to as "all-purpose yards," but the College Football Czar won't bore you by explaining again why he finds that nomenclature to be insufficient. Not that he bored you the first time, even if he did.

Clemson 22, Kentucky 10

Sun Bowl -- El Paso -- 2:00 (CBS)

Oregon State (8-4) vs. Notre Dame (9-3)

Neither QB is sticking around to finish his first season with his new team. OSU's D.J. Uiagalelei is transferring for the second time in as many seasons, and Sam Hartman of Notre Dame is proving he's as good as everyone else who is skipping his bowl game to supposedly prepare for the draft, which is what so much of this is really all about. At some point, this behavior has got to crash the transfer market. The players repeatedly transfer for more NIL money, but they ultimately prove that they're not worth the investment.

The greater loss for the Beavers is head coach Jonathan Smith, who has left his alma mater for Michigan State, in a move that the College Football Czar finds highly suspect. Okay, so OSU's power conference status is up in the air, but what is he really leaving for, a bigger contract? That only matters if you expect to collect. MSU had signed Johnson's predecessor, Mel Tucker, for 95 million dollars, and is now dragging the coach through the mud in an effort to avoid paying him the last 79 million of it. For this kind of treatment, the former Beaver quarterback is leaving behind the closest thing to job security that exists in the college football world.

The Fighting Irish are 0-2 all-time against the team from Corvallis, with losses in the Fiesta Bowl at the end of the 2000 season and the 2004 Insight Bowl. In that first meeting, the Beavers took them to the woodshed for a 41-9 beating. Way back then, "Ochocinco" was only twotwo years old, when he dropped the ball on his way into the end zone, and incredibly was credited with a touchdown anyway. As a result, he never learned his lesson, and the rest is history.

Notre Dame 21, Oregon State 17

Liberty Bowl -- Memphis -- 3:30 (ESPN)

Iowa State (7-5) vs. Memphis (9-3)

Surprisingly, the Tigers have only played in their hometown bowl game once before, and it just so happens that it was against this same Cyclone club in 2017. I-State won that game by an I-lash, 21-20, thanks to a big game by WR Allen "Leapin" Lazard, who scored the game-winning TD.

When Tiger QB Seth Henigan said after his team's last regular season home game that he was not finished playing in Liberty Stadium, he probably meant he planned to return next season, but in the meantime he returns for this encore in front of the home fans. In three seasons at The Phis, he has passed for a total of 10,412 yards. (Nobody really calls it The Phis. Just having a little fun with their old rivals from Llluuvll.)

Anybody who saw that ISU and Kansas State were playing on a snow-blanketed field in Week 13 and still chose to watch an ostensibly more important game is going to have to spend a few years in sports purgatory. The Clones' 42-35 victory in that game of schoolyard football, led by running back Abu Samaiii, was easily the most entertaining game of the season. The fleet-footed freshman dashed through the snow for scores of 71, 77 and 60 yards.

If it's Christmas week football in Memphis, we can be sure to see Santa's Elvis in the crowd. Sadly, Elvis never lasted through his probationary period as Santa's helper, because he proved to be too girthy to follow the big guy down the chimney. That's when St. Nick decided to start using undersized assistants. Had this occurred today, Elvis could have sued for width discrimination.

Iowa State 35, Memphis 31

Cotton Bowl -- Arlington -- 8:00 (ESPN)

Ohio State (11-1) vs. Missouri (10-2)

The lumpy nuts have taken one right in the lumpies with the departure of QB Kyle McCord through the transfer portal. With him gone, and no Buckeye backup with significant experience, NFL-bound WR Marvin Harrison and RB TreVeyon Henderson might wonder why they should stick around.

This is an example of the NCAA deliberately harming its own product. The Powers That Be Stupid decide when to open the portal. Hence, they are deliberately encouraging players to leave their teams with postseason games still to play. The only way the Czar can explain it is that the determination was made long ago that the bowls would be replaced by a playoff format, which has been more of a quasi-political cause than a market-based consideration. The problem was that the bowls were too lucrative. For years, the "it's all about da munny" crowd complained that the financial incentive to maintain the bowl season would prevent there from ever being an extended playoff.

What we are witnessing is a prolonged, multi-faceted effort to gradually taint the bowl games so that watching them just doesn't provide the same fan experience it used to. A glut of games has been created, so that playing in one has become an entitlement rather than a reward for a good season. More and more games are scheduled on weekday afternoons, when few people can watch. Most of the biggest ones have been moved indoors, stripping them of their individual character, such that the Cotton Bowl is the Fiesta Bowl is the Peach Bowl, and so on. They might as well all be played in Detroit. Solutions for players opting out "to prepare for the draft" may be scarce, but the almost universal nonjudgmentalism about it has clearly exacerbated the problem. Now, it is not just a smattering of star players, but basically everybody on the roster who might opt-out, with the door to the transfer portal flung open right from the end of the regular season. There would be no reason for this wanton act of destruction, if not for the need to instill indifference in the bowl games, so that we would not miss them once they're gone.

The only reason Tiger tailback Cody Shrader is not leading the nation in rushing is because the two guys ahead of him, Ollie Gordonii of Oklahoma State and Kimani Vidal of Troy, had the luxury of playing in conference championship games, whereas Mizzou finished its stellar regular season as the #3 team in the SEC. In Week 11 against Tennessee, he had a career-high 116 receiving yards, to go along with 205 on the ground.

Panic will really hit Columbus once they lose so many band members through the portal that they have nobody left to dot the I. A good sousaphone player commands a startling NIL contract these days.

Missouri 27, Ohio State 20

Dec. 30 (Saturday)

Peach Bowl -- Atlanta -- 8:00 (ESPN)

Penn State (10-2) vs. Ole Miss (10-2)

This is the last time we will see two teams on the cusp of the Top Ten playing each other in a bowl game, because in an extended playoff format, they would both be busy getting eliminated by teams that have already defeated them earlier in the season.

Nittany Lion QB Drew Allar has taken a lot of criticism for a lackluster season, but he has only thrown one interception to 23 touchdowns. Playing it safe has served him well in most of his Big Ten games, but it probably won't be enough to outduel Jaxson Dart, who is 15 yards short of 3,000 for the season. The Rebels have got three wide receivers with more than 700 yards each this year, as opposed to PSU, whose passing game is dominated by WR KeAndre Lambert-Smith, with a total of 673.

The Lions are historically one of the best bowl teams in the nation, with a record of 31-19-2, but current coach James Franklin is only 4-4 since arriving in State College. Against SEC teams, he is 0-3, having lost to Georgia in the Sugar Bowl to end the 2015 season, Kentucky in the Citrus Bowl two years later, and Arkansas in the Outback Bowl two years after that. Well, it has been two more years since then, and here they are again.

Dart's name is not spelled with an apostrophe, as in "object d'art," but if he has ever claimed it was in an attempt to impress one of the college girls, it was probably worth a shot.

Ole Miss 16, Penn State 13

Music City Bowl -- Nashville -- Noon (ABC)

Maryland (7-5) vs. Auburn (6-6)

A word of advice to Tiger head coach Hugh Freeze and his defensive assistants: Do not rush only two men against Taulia Tagovailoa! This AU team would have ended Alabama's quest for the national championship if it hadn't gone passive on the last play of the game, letting Crimson Tide QB Jalen Milroe decide the time and place to throw the ball. You can't do that against an elite Division I-A quarterback, and if they play that same way against Tua II, he will beat them just as easy as Tua, Threea, Foura.

Since a nasty four-game skid starting in early October, the toitles have toined things around, winning two out of three, with a competitive loss to Michigan in between. Tagovailoa threw for 361 yards in the Terrapins' regular season finale against Rutgers. If he duplicates that feat, he could pass some of the prominent opt-out quarterbacks, like Caleb Williams and Drake Maye, in passing yardage for the season.

On the subject of football and country music, the College Football Czar thinks he can speak for all un-annoying people in the universe when he says, MAKE HER GO AWAY!

Maryland 38, Auburn 28

Orange Bowl -- Miami -- 8:00 (ESPN)

Georgia (12-1) vs. Florida State (13-0)

That sound you don't hear is all those pro-FSU protesters shutting the hell up after what the Bulldogs do to them in this game. Sure, the Seminoles still have a tremendous defense, as they showed in their 16-6 ACC championship win against Louisville, but once they fall a touchdown behind Kirby Smart's squad, how could they ever hope to come back?

Junior QB Tate Rodemaker should be back in the Noles' lineup, taking over from freshman Brock Glenn. Each of them has played one game in the absence of Jordan Travis, and each completed fewer than half of his passes.

The Dogs did not use injuries as an excuse for their SEC championship loss to Alabama, but TE Brock Bowers and WR Ladd McConkey were both wobbly, and QB Carson Beck played through an injury to his non-throwing hand. All three will have had almost a month to heal up.

Memo to the Bulldog head coach: Enough with the super-genius visor already. Isn't it enough to have the surname Smart? Stop being redundant, by putting on a whole damn hat for once.

Georgia 45, Florida State 13

Arizona Bowl -- Tucson -- 4:30 (CW)

Toledo (11-2) vs. Wyoming (8-4)

Now that this game is returned to actual television, hopefully we will get an actual sportscast, instead of unamusing buffoonery by a bunch of bad morning deejay wannabes, like the ones who called last year's game online for Barstool Sports. The constant begging for attention by irrelevant people spoiled an otherwise excellent contest, which the Cowboys lost in OT to Ohio, 30-27.

That Rockets' red glare you see is their anger at themselves for failing to capture the MAC championship after going 8-0 in the conference during the regular season. Running back Peny Boone has lit up their life with 1,400 yards this season, but he was not able to provide them a spark in a 23-14 title game loss to Miami Ohio, gaining just 41 yards on a surprising scant 11 carries.

Cowboy coach Craig Bohl has announced his retirement effective after this game. The 65-year-old skipper has got a record of 60-60 with the Pokes, after building North Dakota State into a perennial Division I-AA powerhouse. The Czar cannot believe that the Men from Laramie would let him go out with a losing overall record.

Last year's broadcast was such sophomoric crap that David Lee Roth was watching at home and saying to himself, "What a bunch of sophomoric crap!"

Wyoming 20, Toledo 12

Jan. 1 (Monday)

ReliaQuest Bowl -- Tampa -- Noon (ESPN2)

Wisconsin (7-5) vs. LSU (9-3)

The fans in Madison were promised an offensive metamorphosis under first-year coach Luke Fickell, but instead they just watched their team turn into a gigantic dung beetle, with UW actually putting up 3.5 points per game fewer than it did a year ago.

Even during bowl season, SEC teams seldom stray outside the geographic footprint of their league. On one of Louisiana State's rare road trips north, it was upset by the Big Bad Gers in Lambeau Field in the 2016 season opener.

How do the Tigers luck into these bowl mismatches against Big Ten also-rans? Last year, they had an already favorable matchup against Purdue in the Citrus Bowl, when most of the Boilermakers' best players opted out, the result being a 63-7 slobberknocking.

Contrary to popular belief, the Gigantic Dung Beetle is not a big Ten rivalry trophy. Yet.

LSU 48, Wisconsin 19

Citrus Bowl -- Orlando -- 1:00 (ABC)

Iowa (10-3) vs. Tennessee (8-4)

The Hawkeyes have not been in a single game all year in which each team has scored 17 points or more. In fact, the streak extends all the way back to the Citrus Bowl to end the 2021 season, when they fell to Kentucky, 20-17. They avenged that loss by suffocating UK 21-0 in last year's Music City Bowl. They must be happy the Big Ten didn't butt in and switch them to a different game to avoid that rematch.

Expectations that the Volunteers would contend in the SEC East ended early, when they fell to Florida in their conference opener. For the season, they only have a league record of 4-4, after getting flattened by Missouri and Georgia in mid-November.

The Big Ten West winners have got the least productive offense in all of Division I-A, and it isn't even close. Their 240.2 yard per game average trails the next worst, Kent State, by more than twenty yards. Yet this team has had a ten-win season.

It is often said that defense wins championships, but many things are often said while also happening to be stupid. "It all depends on the spot" comes to mind, as well as "Let's consult our rules analyst," and perhaps the dumbest of all, "Time to watch SportsCenter."

Just kidding. Nobody ever really says that last one.

Tennessee 23, Iowa 14

Fiesta Bowl -- Glendale, AZ -- 1:00 (ESPN)

Liberty (13-0) vs. Oregon (11-2)

Fighting Duck quarterback Bo Nix is going to play this game, rather than opting out in order to "prepare for the draft" as his suddenly untrusty running back Bucky Irving has done. Somebody needs to talk Nix out of this, or else he will have less than five months to pick out a clowny suit, write the rough drafts of his social media posts, and rehearse his on-camera cell phone conversations and hand gestures. With so little preparation time, he might not even be drafted, and if an NFL team does draft him, how will he know where to go? All because the misguided lad had to go and play in a meaningless bowl game, as if he were still a member of his college team, or something. Oh, woe is Bo!

The Flames may be undefeated, but their two wins against New Mexico State are probably their best ones of the season. Obviously, they're good enough to be in a bowl game, but if there were still a BCS ranking system, they'd probably be playing in the Famous Toastery Bowl.

The Fighting Ducks will try to sprinkle the tail of Kaidon Salter, the sophomore LU quarterback who has taken off for over 1,000 rushing yards, and has a reasonable chance of passing for 3,000 as well. In the Conference USA championship against NMSU, he threw for 319 yards and ran for 165 more.

It's a little-known fact that the reason Tom Brady lasted until the sixth round of the draft is that he was unprepared. The Browns fully intended to take him with the #1 overall pick, but he had to say, "sorry, not ready yet," thereby costing himself zillions of simoleons.

Next thing you know, these guys will start saying the reason they don't go to class is because they're busy preparing for finals.

Oregon 39, Liberty 10

Rose Bowl (CFP Semifinal) -- Pasadena -- 5:00 (ESPN)

Alabama (12-1) vs. Michigan (13-0)

Considering the historic prominence of these two programs, it's surprising that they never met until the end of the 1987 season. Starting at that point, the Crimson Tide have taken a 3-2 advantage, with all but one of those being played in bowl games.

In last year's semifinal against TCU in the Fiesta Bowl, Jim Harbaugh's team was so poorly prepared that it looked as if somebody had thrown them a surprise football game. The first of two pick-sixes thrown by J.J. McCarthy helped give the Horned Frogs the early 18-point lead, along the way to a 51-45 upset.

The Tide took the SEC title over two-time defending national champion Georgia 27-24, but they were aided by injuries to UGA offensive stars, and by a badly blown call on a reception that should not have been, but strangely was never reviewed. On a fourth-and-four late in the first half, Isaiah Bond was credited with a 22-yard catch to keep the drive going for an eventual touchdown, but anybody could see that the ball went through his hands and was trapped.

The Wolverines iced Iowa in Indianapolis 26-0, the ninth time of the season they have allowed ten points or fewer. That sure makes it sound like defense wins championships, but as long as everybody in the Big Ten plays great defense, it can only be half true.

Bama coach Nick Saban is back in a big bowl game as expected, but where is his pal Prime this postseason? It's a good thing the Colorado coach has got that Aflac supplemental insurance, to help him make ends meet while he's been missing work for the past month.

Bottoms up.

Michigan 24, Alabama 23

Sugar Bowl (CFP Semifinal) -- New Orleans -- 8:45 (ESPN)

Texas (12-1) vs. Washington (13-0)

Husky QB Michael Penixjr finished second in the Heisman balloting, with rival Bo Nix of Oregon third. Anybody who attributes the awarding of the trophy to Jayden Daniels of LSU to a bias against the West Coast is hereby officially a lardhead.

There's so much negativity about college football anymore, you'd think more would be made of a feelgood story like Steve Sarkisian's success in his return to head coaching. The Longhorns took a big gamble in hiring the coach, who had been dismissed from USC over multiple alcohol-related incidents, including his showing up intoxicated for a game against Arizona State. After a successful stint as an assistant at Alabama, Sark accepted the head job with the Horns, whose trust in him is being rewarded.

The UW defense denied Oregon the deep ball throughout a 34-31 win in the Pac 12 championship, but they won't be able to nullify the entire UT receiving corps that same way. In a 49-16 blowout of Oklahoma State for the Big XII title, Adonai Mitchell had 109 receiving yards, Ja'Tavion Sanders 105, and Xavier Worthy 86.

The Sugar Bowl returns to its rightful place after the Rose Bowl on New Year's night, after being relegated to noon last season. To some of those players who will have been on Bourbon Street the night before, that's a big eight hours and forty-five minutes.

Texas 45, Washington 41

Jan. 8 (Monday)

CFP Championship Game -- Houston -- 7:30 (ESPN)

Predicted matchup -- Michigan vs Texas

Disambiguation: see "CCP Championship" for the National Basketball Association

This hardly seems fair. The fact that the game will be played at the home field of the Houston Texans, which is also home to the Texas Bowl two weeks earlier, would give one the impression that it might favor, oh, Texas. Then again, if the U of M wanted home field advantage, it would have lost six games and gone to the Quick Lane Bowl instead.

Even after their respective semifinal games, the Wolverines will not have faced as awesome an O as the one from Austin, and the Longhorns won't have run into a defense as monstrous as the men in maize and blue. By the time this game is over, there will be little doubt in anyone's mind that the CFP selected the right four teams.

Statistically, the pointy cows haven't missed leading rusher Jonathon Brooks since a season-ending knee injury against TCU in Week 11, with C.J. Baxter, Jaydon Blue and Keilan Robinson all chipping in to make up the difference. The College Football Czar has got to believe that Brooks' absence will suddenly matter a lot more, when his mates are running straight into the teeth of a Wolverine defensive front that has forced twelve fumbles while allowing only 2.9 yards per carry.

After so many years of efforts to produce a "legitimate national champion," a Wolverine victory while the program is being investigated for signal stealing would cause a lot of people to put a great big asterisk next to this one. In fact, it would be the state of Michigan's biggest great big asterisk since Michael Moore.

Michigan 29, Texas 27

The College Football Czar

a sports publication from The Shinbone