The College Football Czar
Week
15
Week fourteen in review: If it's Championship Week, then that should mean
all of the conference races have been decided, but in reality, many of them are
still wandering around, confused. Oh,
they've assigned their championship game participants, just not often in so
clear-cut a manner as the Big Ten and Big XII.
When the race for second place turns into a piranha feeding frenzy, as
it has in many of the other leagues, the usual one-on-one tiebreaking formulas
seldom apply. Therefore, the decisive
factor in some of these contests has been an average among computer ranking
systems. They might as well have used a
Ouija board.
Come to think of it, whoever came up
with this system deserves to be given a ouija. You probably remember that computer ratings
prominently figured into the old BCS system that everybody supposedly hated,
but it hardly mattered because it was only being used to match the two best
teams in the nation, which were usually pretty obvious to most people
anyway. Figuring out who's the most
deserving among the five ACC teams that tied for second place, or the four
Mountain West teams that tied for first, requires a tiebreaking process with a
little more clarity.
The College Football Czar hastens to
point out that he opposed the elimination of divisions all along. In this era of analytics, in which everybody
is a mathematical super genius, eight of the nine conferences latched onto this
latest fad without stopping to think that a race among 16-18 teams is likely to
produce a tie among three teams or more.
With the game of college football threatened on multiple fronts already,
we really don't need The Powers That Be Stupid to adopt every counterproductive
idea that comes rolling down the pike.
It's as if everybody in charge of the sport has got Munchausen syndrome
by proxy.
The CFP has already gotten some bad
news, in that one team in the field of twelve will be playing without its head
coach. Lane Kiffin of Ole Miss has
accepted the head job with his conference (and formerly division) rival
LSU. He asked if he could remain with
the 11-1 Rebels through the playoffs, but athletic director Keith Carter wisely
said no, and instead named defensive coordinator Pete Golding the new head
coach. The Czar hopes this setback for
the sport will lead to a clear delineation between the season and the
offseason, such that there's no recruiting, no transferring, and no poaching of
other team's coaches, until the current football season is entirely over.
Another playoff contender lost its
head coach when Jon Sumrall was introduced at Florida. Tulane is still going to let him coach the
Green Wave in the American Conference championship game, and then in the CFP if
the team qualifies. That means Sumrall
is going to be coaching one team while recruiting for another. This should never be. Coach, you're a Gator now. Get out.
It is being reported that UCLA is
about to hire away James Madison head coach Bob Chesney, which would mean there
is a possibility that one fourth of the CFP field of twelve will be
participating in the playoffs during a coaching change. The playoff-mongers have been only too happy
to see this kind of chaos afflict the bowl season in recent years. Did they think their system would be immune?
In other coaching news, former
Northwestern coach Pat Fitzgerald is returning to the Big Ten as head coach of
Michigan State, which dismissed Jonathan Smith after only two seasons. Fitzgerald had been fired from NU amid a
hazing scandal, only to later sue the school and receive an undisclosed
settlement. At the time of his firing,
he was said to have instructed his senior players to sexually assault the
underclassmen as a means of imposing team discipline. As it became apparent that no evidence
existed that the coach knew of the alleged hazing, the sordid stories gradually
morphed into spurious accusations of racism and vague suggestions of general unniceness.
Obviously, his detractors would not have changed the subject had he
really been directing a system of serial molestation.
Nevertheless, the Czar has his
reservations about Fitzgerald being hired for another head coaching job. There really was hazing going on within the
Northwestern football program, allegedly in the locker room, right under his
schnozz. Doesn't the coach's unawareness
of it indicate a lack of institutional control that should preclude him from
being responsible for another entire program?
It's tempting to assume that his new employers must know what they're
doing, but remember, this is Michigan State, as in the former employer
of Larry Nassar.
Elsewhere, Kentucky has fired
thirteen-year coach Mark Stoops, who departs with a career record of 82-80. That's okay if you're the neighboring
Cincinnati Reds, but an SEC football program expects better. South Florida coach Alex Golesh has been
hired by Auburn, while Ryan Silverfield is making a
short trip from Memphis to Arkansas. Jim
Morajr, who has done a masterful job resurrecting a Uconn
program that is unwanted even by its own administrators, has left the
Independent program for comparative stability at Colorado State. Stanford, which had played the entire season
under interim coach Frank Reich, has finally settled on former Cardinal QB
Tavita Pritchard as its new skipper.
After starting Thanksgiving weekend
with a 4-4 record through Friday, the Czar rallied on Saturday to finish at 15-7. For the season, his record stands at 169-102,
for a .624 winning percentage.
Dec.
5
Conference USA Championship -- Jacksonville, AL -- 7:00 (CBSSN)
Kennesaw State at Jacksonville State
If it's
another Jax State home game, that means we're in for a post-Thanksgiving
leftover serving of Chicken Picasso, which looks somewhat less healthy than
your holiday bird hopefully did. KSU
visited AmFirst Stadium less than a month ago, and departed with a 35-26 loss
that has ultimately given the Gamecocks home field advantage for this
championship rematch. That's a good
thing as far as the conference is concerned, because The Amf
has got double the capacity of Fifth Third Stadium in Kennesaw. Besides, that place isn't even spelled
correctly. Don't they know that Fifth
Third is spelled V-III? And they call
themselves a football team.
Owl
quarterback Amari Odom owes them a better game than he gave them that day, when
he threw three picks as the team finished minus-4 in turnovers. In two games since, he has lit up Missouri
State and Liberty for a total of nine TDs with no interceptions.
Cam Cook
has been the answer for JSU this season, as he leads the conference with 1,588
rushing yards. Considering the time of
year, the question must have been, Cam Yam Cook? Even if the answer is yes, the College
Football Czar isn't having any of it. I
mean, just look at the stuff. The person
who first discovered that yams were edible probably tried slugs, tree bark and
meadow muffins first.
Jacksonville State 32, Kennesaw State 29
Sun Belt Championship -- Harrisonburg, VA -- 7:00 (ESPN)
Troy at James Madison
It must
be tough to be a Trojan when you've probably got the whole league rooting
against you. With playoff prospects for
JMU looking more promising by the week, an upset by 8-4 TSU would cost the
conference in terms of prestige and revenue.
The Old
College Troy has persevered since getting pummeled at Old Dominion, 33-0 in
Week 12. In their next road game, they
stopped Southern Miss 28-18 to break a tie atop the Sun Belt West. They got a lot of sis-boom-bah for their buck
out of RaRa Thomas that day. The former Mississippi State and Georgia
Bulldog WR pulled down five receptions for a season-high 118 yards and two TDs,
while adding 39 rushing yards on three carries.
The Dukes
have put up more than 50 points four times in their last six games of the
regular season. Last week at Coastal
Carolina, they more than tripled their opponents in total yardage, in a 59-10
flogging. In rushing yardage alone, they
outgained CCU 286 yards to minus-5.
One of
these days, the College Football Czar is going to start standing up at games
and cheering "sis-boom-bah" with all the
faux sincerity he can muster. It's about
time he started dishing out a little reciprocal annoyance to all of the "Sweet
Caroline" dorks seated around him.
James Madison 44, Troy 23
American Conference Championship -- New Orleans -- 8:00 (ABC)
North Texas at Tulane
Because
each of these teams is currently ranked ahead of James Madison, the winner of
this game ought to clinch a playoff bid.
It's not a sure thing, however, because the CFP ratings are subjective. If this game goes to overtime, and Jimmy Mad
mashes Troy by five touchdowns, who's to say that some easily impressed
pollsters wouldn't give the Sun Belt champion the edge?
Drew
Mestemaker has made a mest of things for opposing
defenses all season. The freshman Mean
Green quarterback leads the nation in passing with 3,835 yards, while tossing
29 touchdowns and only four INTs. If he
leads UNT into the playoffs, that would be nearly as big an upset as if he
returns to Denton for his sophomore year.
The 10-2
Green Wave get this game at home at Yulman Stadium by
virtue of having the better CFP rating, which in this case happens to yield the
correct result. The TU nonconference
schedule was far superior to that of the meanies, with a loss to Ole Miss, and
wins over Duke and Northwestern.
How come
the guys with the mean, green thing on their helmets are not the Mean
Green? Is that an attempt at taunting?
Tulane 52, North Texas 42
Mountain West Championship -- Boise -- 8:00 (FOX)
UNLV at Boise State
These
teams, each of which finished 6-2 in the conference, get this opportunity
compliments of a combination of four different computer rankings, which leave
New Mexico and San Diego State on the wrong end of a four-way tie. Or, they finished Third First and Fourth
First, as a banker might say, were he a lardhead.
In Week
8, the Broncos bombarded the visitors from Vegas 56-31, which is why they
welcome them back to the same stadium for the conference championship
game. If that story sounds familiar,
it's because they beat the Rebels in a regular season game a year ago, thus
entitling them to host the 2024 MWC title game, which they won 21-7 to advance
to the playoffs. This sequel is not
likely to have as happy an ending because BSU is unranked, unlike Tulane, North
Texas and James Madison. Basically,
they've got to root for Troy to topple JMU and Duke to down Virginia, and then
hope to get the nod over the Blue Devils for the final spot.
Nobody in
this league has a good record against Boise State, but the Rebs are 0-8. Last year's clash on the crinkly carpet of
Allegiant Stadium was the only one that has even been close. For the series, the average game for them has
been a 24-point defeat.
The
Broncs are probably never going back from their irritating blue turf at this
point, but at least you'd think a team that has been so successful through its
30-year run in Division I-A football would finally do something about those
uniforms. Even after winning three
Fiesta Bowls, they still look as if the team bus stopped at Burlington on its
way to the stadium, and their helmet logo must have been the product of a "draw
the horsehead" contest at a postgame tailgate party.
Boise State 33, UNLV 17
Dec.
6
Big XII Championship -- Arlington -- Noon (ABC)
Brigham Young vs. Texas Tech
The Mushroom
Man has said thank you very mulch to Penn State for its interest, but no
thanks. Tenth-year Cougar coach Kalani
Sitake would rather remain in Provo, where the fans react quite a bit less
angrily to an 11-1 season. He has signed
what is being described as a lengthy contract extension to remain at BYU,
although the exact length of it is apparently a secret for some reason or
other.
In the
Cougars' only loss of the regular season, they were rubbed out in Lubbock, 29-7
in Week 11. This time, they'll try to
erase the minus-3 mark in turnovers that took them out of that game. Had they done a better job holding onto the
ball, they surely would have given running back L.J. Martin more than the ten
carries he got that day. Once they
trailed 16-0 early in the third quarter, they stopped seriously trying to make
any gains on the ground.
At 43.2
points per game, the Red Raiders are the third highest-scoring team in the
nation, after North Texas and Indiana.
That win over BYU was the only game in their past four in which they
outscored their opponents by fewer than 39 points.
If you
were a mushroom, you'd want to stay put in Utah, too. The ones that wander into Colorado don't tend
to last very long these days.
Texas Tech 38, Brigham Young 21
MAC Championship -- Detroit -- Noon (ESPN)
Miami Ohio vs. Western Michigan
The
RedHawks finished in a three-way tie for second place with Ohio and
Toledo. They lost to both of those
teams, but because the Bobcats and Rockets didn't play each other, head-to-head
results weren't used to break the tie.
Instead, Miami advanced based on its having the best record among the
three against common opponents WMU, Northern Illinois and Ball State. That's got to be the dumbest way to determine
a winner since the Pineapple Grand Prix on Speed Racer.
Imagine trying to explain to some NASCAR driver that he lost because
Trixie took the pineapple out of his trunk.
The Broncos' only conference defeat
was against MU in Oxford, 26-17 in Week 9.
Hawk QB Dequan Finn threw for 260 yards that day, but he abandoned his
team with two games remaining to "prepare for the draft," which makes about as
much sense as letting the league's fourth-best team play for the
championship. In his absence, the better
of the two quarterbacks has been freshman Thomas Gotkowski, who has barely
completed more than half of his passes.
This is a moment the College
Football Czar has been dreading for several years now. If a player can opt out of a "meaningless
bowl game," then why bother showing up for that mid-November regular season
game against Buffalo? You could see this
coming since 2016, when Christian McCaffery and Leonard Fournette blew off
their bowl games, and the sports media sillyputtyheads
took the almost unanimous position that anything a player does in his own
interest is ethically unassailable.
If there were ever a movie made
about Dequan Finn, it would have to be called Finn's Rainbow, because he
is living in a fantasyland of leprechauns and pots o' gold. Here's a guy who played two good seasons at
Toledo, but then transferred to Baylor, where he was injured early and appeared
in only three games. Then he returned to
the Mid-American Conference to have a mediocre most-of-a senior year with the
RedHawks, passing for 1,451 yards with nine touchdowns and six INTs, until he
quit on his teammates before the regular season was over. And he imagines that by doing this, he has put
himself on a path to fame and riches in the NFL? In keeping with the cinematic theme, perhaps
he should just change the spelling of his name to "Fin."
Western Michigan 28, Miami Ohio 10
SEC Championship -- Atlanta -- 4:00 (ABC)
Georgia vs. Alabama
Like all
stadiums that have retractable domes, the one in Atlanta is seldom retracted,
but on this occasion, the College Football Czar would like to propose a
compromise. Open the dome on top of the
stadium, and close the one on top of Kirby Smart's head. Aesthetic improvements all around.
There was
a four-way tie for first place in the SEC, so how did they determine that these
teams should meet for the championship for the third time in five years? Perhaps they figured the game is ruined
anyway by playing it indoors, so they created the one matchup fans would least
want to see.
It's the
fifth time overall that Bama and UGA have battled at Mercedes-Benz Stadium,
with the Crimson Tide winning the previous four, in the national championship
game to end the 2017 season, and SEC title games in 2018, 2021 and 2023. The Bulldogs' only victory against the Tide
in their last eleven tries has been the CFP for the 2021 season, which was
played in Indianapolis.
Earlier
this year in Athens, the pachyderms played keep-away, as they ran 77 plays to
53 for the Dogs. They set the tone early
by taking each of their first two possessions for a methodical, 14-play touchdown
drive, totaling almost 13 minutes of game time between them.
Athens,
Georgia that is. They can't play
football in Athens, Greece, because nobody has any arms over there.
See? The museum is educational!
Alabama 21, Georgia 20
Big Ten Championship -- Indianapolis -- 8:00 (FOX)
Indiana vs. Ohio State
This is
perceived as a virtual home game for IU, being just about an hour away from
Bloomington, but it's also well under a three-hour drive from Columbus. Hopefully, the traveling fans don't get lost
on their visit to the Circle City, or they could just end up driving round town
all day. Nyuk, nyuk.
For the
second year in a row, the Buckeyes boast the best defense in the nation, while
the Hoosiers are rated #4. A year ago,
IU actually finished second, although it was not quite as good statistically
then as it is now. OSU is allowing only
203 yards and 7.8 points per game, which is an improvement of more than 50
yards and five points over where it finished in 2024.
A lot of
big midseason wins don't hold up over time, but one that has is the Hoosiers'
30-20 victory at Oregon in Week 7. If
defeating the fifth-ranked Fighting Ducks on the road doesn't mean they're for
real this time, then nothing will.
The
Hoosiers have taken a lot of lumps from the nuts over the years, losing 29
consecutive games in the series, going back to a 27-27 tie in 1990. Their all-time record against OSU is 12-80-5,
but that doesn't matter now, because this is their first meeting of the Curt
Cignetti era. Cignetti figures to be a
transformational coach, like Bill Snyder at Kansas State. Anything that preceded him is hereby
irrelevant.
A
conference championship between two undefeated teams would become one of the most
memorable games of the decade if it meant anything. Unfortunately, it doesn't, at least not
much. Each of these teams is bound to
get a first-round bye in the CFP, which means the most important thing that
might be decided is who will wear what color uniform if they meet again in the
playoffs.
In the
absence of a national championship, it would still be a big deal to the
candelabra-heads if they could carry off the Big Ten trophy, but for their more
accomplished opponents, this game just seems like a waste of energy. Until the real postseason starts, Buckeye
coach Ryan Day has got more important things to do, like stopping the Ferris
wheel at the top so he can try to steal a smooch from Olive Oyl.
Indiana 17, Ohio State 14
ACC Championship -- Charlotte -- 8:00 (ABC)
Duke vs. Virginia
The
five-way tiebreaker for second place broke the Blue Devils' way because their
conference opponents had a higher winning percentage than those of the other
four teams. They're without a quality
win, however, having lost to UVa and Georgia Tech and not played SMU, Miami or
Pitt.
As a
result, the ACC could be left out of the 12-team tournament altogether, and no,
that is not a justification for expansion.
It is widely assumed that the winner of every power conference
qualifies, but the rule is actually that the best five conference champions
make it in, and the winners of the American and Sun Belt would probably beat
out an 8-5 ACC also-ran.
The
Cavaliers doubled up the Devils in Week 12, by a final of 34-17. That was their biggest conference victory of
the season, because they didn't play any of the other four teams that finished
6-2. They've won three ACC games against
middling teams in overtime, with their only loss in conference play to Wake
Forest. They've also lost to Nc State,
but that doesn't count in the standings because it was officially a
nonconference game.
You can only
call the ACC championship a power conference game in the same way that a wussy
song by an 80s hair band is called a "power ballad." It puts on a pretention of toughness, when in
reality it's just a drippy demonstration of anti-manliness that is overly
impressed with itself and drones on entirely too long.
and
yet, you feel weirdly compelled to watch.
Unless it's by Motley Crue, that is.
Even fans of ACC teams have their standards.
Virginia 37, Duke 29
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