The Original College Football Czar

Week 8

Week seven in review: Penn State has fired head coach James Franklin, following the team's third consecutive loss, 22-21 to Northwestern. The twelfth-year leader of the Nittany Lions, who had spent his three previous seasons at Vanderbilt, has compiled a career record of 128-60. That includes last year's 13-win season, in which his team reached the CFP semifinals. Nevertheless, his dismissal was widely anticipated, and for good reason.

This was supposed to be the year that PSU was building up to, with QB Drew Allar and both 1,000-yard running backs in their senior years. Nobody else keeps three star offensive players for their entire collegiate careers anymore. A team that is capable of doing that has got a tremendous advantage on the rest of the field. Yet the Lions are now eliminated for all practical purposes, having lost their first three Big Ten games after starting 3-0 against puny nonconference opposition. In college football's current state of chaos, the deep-pocketed college-town programs with 100,000-seat stadiums have all the advantages. With the prospect of a salary cap and NIL-monitoring on the horizon, PSU is watching its window of opportunity begin to close, and Franklin has just blown its best chance at a national championship in the post-Paterno era.

Cornerbacks coach Terry Smith, who has also served as assistant head coach for the past ten seasons, has been named the interim head coach at PSU. Meanwhile, Franklin could buy a lot of head polish and sunglasses with the $49 million the university must pay to buy him out of his contract, so that he may protect himself from the glare bouncing off his own noggin while lying on the beach. One catch is that contractually, he must try to become employed again either as a coach or as a media analyst, so that if he is hired, PSU would only have to pay the difference between his earnings and the amount of the buyout. The Czar's question is what constitutes trying. If he makes a couple phone calls, and shows up for an interview, will that be enough? At 53, he could easily still have the majority of his coaching career ahead of him, but why bother?

Elsewhere, Oregon State has fired Trent Bray, who went 5-14 in only one and a half seasons. That sounds incredibly unfair, considering that Bray was hired just as the Beavers were being left behind in the rapidly dissolving Pac 12, but this year's 0-7 start was far worse than anything that had been anticipated. Set adrift as a pseudo-Independent, OSU had few options when Jonathan Smith jumped ship two years ago. The school had little choice but to take a chance on a young coach that it could promote from within its own program. With next year's conference expansion, the 43-year old would likely have been pushed aside for a more seasoned replacement during the offseason anyway.

Trent Dilfer is on his way out, also. The peculiar pick to coach UAB was let go a day after an embarrassing 53-33 loss to Florida Atlantic. The former Super Bowl-winning quarterback had basically promised not to win when the Blazers hired him two and a half seasons ago, and he has delivered a record of 9-21. It shouldn't be hard for a small conference team in Birmingham to be more competitive than that.

The Czar doesn't want to see anybody lose his job, but some kind of corrective action needs to be taken in response to the blown replay review in last Saturday's Georgia-Auburn game. When AU quarterback Jackson Arnold had the ball knocked out of his hands as he stretched it toward the end zone, the on-field officials ruled it a fumble. At regular speed this was understandable, because it was an extraordinarily close call, with the nose of the football just barely eclipsing the front of the goal line. The replay, however, was unambiguous. A freeze-frame clearly showed that the ball had broken the plane before it was jarred loose from Arnold's control. Reversing the call should not have been a difficult or controversial thing to do, so why wasn't it done?

Replay proponents have always said "the important thing is to get the call right in the end," as if it were a simple choice between getting them right or wrong. In reality, the success rate of the replay system is nowhere near 100 percent. The real question, then, should be whether getting a marginally higher percentage of the calls right is justification enough to repeatedly disrupt the game. Had it been seriously discussed this way when first proposed, it might never have been implemented. We're never going to get rid of it now, so the next best thing is to be given some assurance that the replay officials are held accountable when they fail.

Week 7 was probably the most tumultuous week to this point in the season, with seven ranked teams being toppled by lesser-ranked or unranked opponents. The Czar saw a couple of these upsets coming, but barely struggled to a record above .500 for the week, at 10-9. His season record is not much less ugly than that at 81-57, for a .587 winning percentage.

Oct. 17

Louisville at Miami

Could this be the year that the Hurricanes keep it together through the end of the season? It sure helps that they don't have to play Georgia Tech or Virginia, which might leave this Friday night fracas as their greatest remaining challenge before the ACC title game.

The College Football Czar's rule on completion percentages is that they don't count for much if you're not gaining more than ten yards per completion. 20-for-27 for 185 yards would not be impressive, but 20-for-27 for 241 yards and four touchdowns is. The latter is the stat line for Cane QB Carson Beck in his last outing, a 28-22 win over Florida State. For the season, he has completed 73.4 percent of his passes, with an average of 11.9 yards per completion.

If there really was such a place as the running back room, the Cardinal RBs could stay in there and play poker all night, and nobody would notice the difference because offensive coordinator Brian Brohm has little use for them. Even though the U of L has three backs averaging 5.0 yards or better per attempt, as a team they get fewer carries than anyone else in the ACC except for North Carolina.

The Czar doesn't even want to know what goes on in the tight end room.

Miami 34, Louisville 24

Nebraska at Minnesota

By calculatus eliminatus, P.J. Fleck is now the grand poobah of the Off-Putting, Shiny-Headed Big Ten Head Coaches' Club. He'll have to come up with some especially irritating new acronyms and catch phrases to celebrate. During the ninth year of his tenure, his radiant rodents would improve to 37-37 in conference play under his guidance, with a win over the Men of N.

The Golden Gophers are 4-2, but none of their wins against Division I-A competition has been very convincing. They pulled away late to beat Buffalo 23-10 in their opener, scored a late touchdown to eke out a 31-28 decision against Rutgers, and rallied past Purdue 27-20 with two fourth-quarter TDs. Like this game, those were all at home at Huntington Bank Stadium.

The Cornhuskers have had their share of tough scrapes themselves, albeit against better competition. Last week an erratic QB Dylan Raiola had to overcome three interceptions to lead his team past Maryland 34-31, when they scored the game-winner on his fourth touchdown pass of the day, with just over a minute remaining.

Huntington Bank Stadium was originally named TCF Bank Stadium, but they had to change it because wussies kept showing up expecting there to be yogurt, and were disappointed to find football going on instead.

Nebraska 21, Minnesota 20

North Carolina at California

Being about as far from home as possible is probably just what Bill Belichick needs right now, two weeks after suffering his second hideous home loss of the season, 38-10 to Clemson. In total yards, the Tar Heels currently rank fourth-worst in the nation, just behind Kent State, and ahead of three other Mid-American Conference teams.

In 2024, the Golden Bears lost their first four ACC games by a total of nine points. When they've lost this season, they've been more thorough about it, but they've only done it twice so far. In Week 6, they were demolished by Duke on their home field, where their quarterbacks committed the game's only four turnovers. The 45-21 defeat dropped their conference record to 1-1, with a victory over last-place Boston College.

Freshman UNC running back Demon June leads the team with 266 rushing yards and a 7.0 per-carry average, but he compiled a majority of that in a single game, against Division I-AA Richmond. Nobody else on the roster has a single carry for more than 12 yards, or an average of more than 3.4.

"Demon June." Pffffffft! "What do you call Mrs. Cleaver at that time of the month?" "Ohhh-hohh-hoh-hoh!"

California 22, North Carolina 14

Oct. 18

Pitt at Syracuse

A year ago in the Iron City, Pat Narduzzi's defense returned three interceptions for touchdowns on their way to a 41-13 final, and a record of 7-0. Litle did the Acrisure Stadium crowd suspect that their team wouldn't win again for the rest of the season.

The Panthers seem to be putting it together with back-to-back victories behind freshman QB Mason Hentschel, but their excitement must be tempered by the fact that their opponents in those contests, Boston College and Florida State, are a combined 0-7 in ACC play. The competition shouldn't be much more formidable this week, even though their opponent won its conference opener.

SU scored a big road win over Clemson in Week 4, but that was when it lost starting quarterback Steve Angeli to a torn Achilles. New starter Rickie Collins has thrown five interceptions to only three TDs this year, while completing 55.2 percent of his passes.

The kicker for the Orange is Tripp Woody, but don't really take him up on that suggestion, unless you want to receive a vicious head-pecking in return.

Pitt 27, Syracuse 17

Penn State at Iowa

Coach James Franklin is not the only one whose career at Penn State has come to an abrupt end. Senior quarterback Drew Allar suffered a serious lower leg injury in a vain attempt to keep his team's final drive alive, in an 22-21 loss to Northwestern. The new starter will be freshman Ethan Grunkemeyer, whose only significant action so far has been in leading the final touchdown drive in the season-opening win against Nevada.

The Hawkeyes jumped around all over Wisconsin at Camp Randall Stadium, 37-0. Their offense is still second-worst in the Big Ten, however, which could turn this into an awkward battle of attrition reminiscent of their scoreboard-stumping 6-4 victory over PSU in 2004.

Franklin's $49 million buyout has raised the ire of faculty and students at PSU branch campuses that are being closed for budgetary reasons. Where are their priorities? As that wise man Professor Wagstaff once said, "Have we got a stadium? Have we got a college? Well, we can't support both. Tomorrow, we start tearing down the college."

If the ex-coach does decide to look for a studio job with one of the cable sports networks, the least he could do is start shaving the correct end of his head.

Iowa 10, Penn State 6

West Virginia at Central Florida

UCF is 0-3 since head coach Scott Frost took umbrage at being referred to as Central Florida (he says, respectfully). UCF is now in a three-way tie for last place in the Big XII, if it doesn't mind the College Football Czar saying so. The Czar certainly means no offense in pointing out that the UCF skipper brought this upon himself with his postgame smack talk against a defeated North Carolina team, and is therefore a lardhead.

The Mountaineers are one of the teams that is tied with the Knights at the bottom of the conference standings, along with Oklahoma State. Last week, they were mercifully idle, which should have given Rich Rodriguez an opportunity to sort out his quarterback situation, with Nicco Marchiol injured, and Khalil Wilkins, Scotty Foxjr and Jaylen Henderson each failing to distinguish himself.

They aren't the only ones with a quarterback quandary, though. With Tayven Jackson injured, the Knights have handed the starting job to former Marshall signal-caller Cam Fancher. Last week in Cincinnati, the former bovine boomer led his team in rushing with 108 yards, while passing for 222 more, but his drives repeatedly stalled out short of field goal range in a 20-11 loss.

The folks in Orlando had better brace themselves for a visit from those foul-mouthed WVU fans. They've been known to say all sorts of offensive, naughty things, like "Central Florida."

Central Florida 16, West Virginia 13

Tennessee at Alabama

The way the pachyderms got pushed around by Florida State in their opener, the fans in Tuscaloosa were ready to commit elephanticide. After three consecutive wins over ranked SEC opponents, however, Kalen DeBoer's club has got a new lease on life. It helps that leading rusher Jam Miller returned from a broken collarbone in time to begin that streak, but he left the fourth quarter of a 27-24 victory at Missouri with a concussion and might not be available this week.

The Volunteers could use a few good men on defense, where they rank #14 in the 16-team SEC this season. For that reason, their last two wins have been uncomfortable ones against lesser conference opponents Mississippi State (41-34) and Arkansas (34-31). Last week they led the Razorbacks 34-17 in the fourth quarter, but gave up two 80-yard touchdown drives and had to rely on their offense to grind out the remainder of the game.

Bama may have tightened up in Tallahassee, but in Alabama, the Tuscaloosa. (Groucho has been busy this week.) The Tide have won 15 in a row at Bryant-Denny Stadium, their past five losses all happening away from home. Not coincidentally, the home team has prevailed in each of the last four games in this series.

People often ask why the Crimson Tide logo is an elephant. What are they supposed to use, a big angry wave, shaking its fist and carrying a megaphone? Don't be ridiculous.

Alabama 38, Tennessee 28

USC at Notre Dame

The echoes needed no wakening in South Bend, but the Fighting Irish football team took until game three to snap out of its slumber. Since an uncomfortable 56-30 win over Purdue, ND has demolished Arkansas, Boise State and Nc State by a combined score of 120-27. Southern Cal is the highest hurdle the golden domers have left standing between them and a 10-win season. Even with two losses and no conference title game in their future, one would think they'd easily make it into the field of twelve if they were to finish on a ten-game winning streak. That might sound like absurdly premature speculation with half of a wacky season remaining, but next to this Trojan team, their next toughest remaining opponent is Pitt.

The Trojans did a little waking up of their own echoes last week in the Coliseum, where they dismantled Michigan 31-13. Freshman running back King Miller was living the high life with 158 yards and a touchdown on only 18 carries, with an additional 14 yards on two receptions.

SC used to be known as Tailback U, but these days it would surprise a lot of fans to see them leading the Big Ten in rushing yards per attempt at 6.4. The only ground game in the nation that is doing better than that belongs to the triple-option attack of Army.

Please, for the sake of humanity, do not wake up Echo & The Bunnymen!

Notre Dame 28, USC 20

Ole Miss at Georgia

Last week's blown call was not the Bulldogs' fault. In fact, they deserve a great deal of credit for the way they responded to it, as they never let the momentum swing back throughout the second half of a 20-10 victory at Auburn. Having trailed 10-0 at the time that AU was denied a touchdown it should have had, UGA held the home team to 50 total yards in the second half.

The Rebels Missfired repeatedly in an uninspired 24-21 win over Washington State, in which their offense started the game with a turnover on downs, a missed field goal and an interception on consecutive possessions. Although they had a significant advantage in total yardage, they trailed the Cougars until the final minute of the third quarter. And if there's one place you don't want to be, it's behind Wazzu.

During this week's press conference, Rebel coach Lane Kiffin poked fun at the physique of his counterpart, Kirby Smart. Good one, coach! Now tell us the one about how silly he looks in that dorky visor.

Oh, never mind.

Georgia 33, Ole Miss 27

SMU at Clemson

The Son of Clem stung the Stangs in last year's ACC championship 34-31, to join them in the far-too-forgiving CFP field. The Tigers committed no penalties or turnovers in that game, but their play this season has not been nearly so spotless.

It's a good thing Southern Methodist isn't still in the old Southwest Conference, or their league record would be 0-2 instead of 2-0, with losses to both Baylor and TCU. They have yet to score a quality victory this year, having beaten Division I-AA East Texas A&M, I-A newcomer Missouri State, shorthanded Syracuse and Stanford.

There is no top cat in the Tiger backfield, where former wide receiver Adam Randall isn't getting nearly as many carries as he did early in the year. In Week 6 against North Carolina, their 31 rushing attempts were divided among nine ball carriers. That's like leaving it up to Bennie, Brain and Choo-Choo to outwit Officer Dibble.

Officer Dibble of Top Cat is really the same character as Ranger Smith from Yogi Bear. The College Football Czar could have written a dissertation about that, in which case he would now be Doctor College Football Czar. The reason he never did is that he didn't see any advantage in it, figuring that he was already superior to you by virtue of being a czar.

SMU 26, Clemson 24

LSU at Vanderbilt

The Tigers trotted past South Carolina 20-10, in their third unimpressive offensive performance in as many SEC games. Garrett Nussmeier, who was the nation's leading returning passer from last season, is only #66 so far in 2025. Meanwhile, none of the running backs has yet registered a 100-yard rushing game.

The Commodores have had a week off since getting bottled up by Alabama, 30-14, for their first loss of the season. Quarterback Diego Pavia was held to 198 passing yards, while giving up both an interception and a fumble. That's actually the closest the ex-New Mexico Stater has come to the 200-yard mark in three games against power conference opponents.

Louisiana State has won the last ten games in this series, including last year's 24-17 struggle in Baton Rouge. The last victory for VU was in 1990, when it bumped the Bayou Bengals off in the second week of the season, and then didn't win another game for the rest of the year.

All you need to know about the history of Vandy football is that its slogan is "Anchor Down," which means the ship is going nowhere.

LSU 17, Vanderbilt 7

UNLV at Boise State

The Rebels are 6-0, but they haven't exactly been running opponents off the field. Last week against Air Force, they prevailed 51-48, but not until after there were six lead changes in the fourth quarter alone. In Week 4 at Miami Ohio, they trailed by two touchdowns going into the fourth quarter, before rallying to take a 41-38 lead, and putting the game away with a late interception.

BSU has won 13 in a row at home on the blue turf, where it put a 21-7 bruising on Vegas in last year's Mountain West championship game. They could be playing for a chance to host that game again in their final year in the conference, since their two losses have been to nonconference foes South Florida and Notre Dame.

The Broncs' ground game did not depart the Tater State with Heisman runner-up Ashton Jeanty, as one might have supposed. Sophomore RB Dylan Riley is equaling Jeanty's 7.0 per-carry average of a year ago, and although he'll come nowhere near his yardage total for the season, he is well on his way to breaking the 1,000-yard mark.

Nevada-Las Vegas is 0-8 all-time against the Broncos, including two losses in 2024. To a gambler, that means only one thing: they're due! That assumption will work out about as well as it usually does.

Boise State 30, UNLV 21

Missouri at Auburn

Yes, Hugh Freeze's team was robbed of a touchdown late in the first half against Georgia, but that doesn't mean they had to give up a long, quick drive for a field goal after having blanked the Bulldogs up until that point. In the second half, it was they who were unable to dent the scoreboard, with a turnover on downs, followed by three consecutive three-and-outs.

Mizzou was undefeated before last week's 27-24 loss to Alabama, but that doesn't make it a national contender. By mid-November, the team from Columbia will have faced four consecutive teams that are better than any of the ones they beat in September.

Former Penn State backup Beau Pribula is reputedly a dual-threat quarterback, but so far for Missouri he has only threatened opponents when he has thrown the ball. On the ground, he's gaining a modest 30.3 yards per game. Nevertheless, he'll have to muster all the mobility he's got against an AU defense that can clutter up the backfield in a hurry.

Perhaps the dual threat is when he shouts across the line of scrimmage, "I demand satisfaction from you on the field of honor!" Okay, so that's a duel, not dual, but these are SEC student athletes we're talking about.

Auburn 21, Missouri 17

Georgia Tech at Duke

In three conference games, the Blue Devils have forced eleven turnovers, and given up none. That's as impressive as it is unlikely to continue, especially now that the level of the competition is improving.

These teams are tied with Virginia atop the ACC at 3-0, although Tech is the only one among the three that remains unbeaten overall. The Yellowjackets ran out to an early 18-0 lead against Virginia Tech, and remained in control throughout a methodical 35-20 win in Atlanta.

Haynes King is a pain in the royal underpants to opposing defensive coordinators. The Yellowjacket quarterback leads his team in rushing, with 440 yards and nine touchdowns. Meanwhile, he is an efficient passer if not a prolific one, without any interceptions since he let one pass get away in an opening win over Colorado.

The Tech players are wearing out-of-state attire. All sports fans know that in Georgia, the jackets are green. They only wear yellow ones so that if it turns out to be true that the clothes make the man, they'll all be Pro Football Hal of Famers.

Georgia Tech 35, Duke 32

Texas Tech at Arizona State

Both teams have injured quarterbacks, but Behren Morton is expected to return for Tech, whereas the status of ASU scrambler Sam Leavitt remains up in the air, which is more than can be said for the passes from his replacement, Jeff Sims. The plodding former Georgia Tech and Nebraska QB completed only 18 of 38 for 124 yards in a 42-10 trouncing by Utah.

The Red Raiders aren't making much of a racket for being ranked #7 in the nation, but they are one of only eleven remaining undefeated teams, at 6-0. Their schedule may not look imposing, but they are the only team to have defeated either Utah or Houston, and they beat both of those opponents on the road.

If these Raiders are going on a panty raid, Sparky the Sun Devil mascot ought to be getting a little nervous by now.

Texas Tech 37, Arizona State 24

Old Dominion at James Madison

This Sun Belt Conference clash had the makings of one of the biggest games of the week until ODU got caught lion down on the job, and was mauled by Marshall, 48-24. This leaves JMU as the lone remaining team in the East division without a loss in SBC play.

The Dukes (5-1, 3-0) committed another ten penalties last week, the third time of the season they've reached double digits. On average, they are committing 8.8 per game. It hasn't cost them yet in conference play, although their season high of 12 undoubtedly hindered them in a 28-14 nonconference loss to Louisville.

One might suppose that a monarch outranks a duke, but this is America, dammit! And why are they insulting the father of the United States Constitution by assigning him a title of English nobility, anyway? In this country, our leader is addressed as "Mister President." If you called King Charles "Mister King," his ears would wilt.

James Madison 51, Old Dominion 41

Utah at Brigham Young

Cougar tailback L.J. Martin took over the Big XII lead in rushing with a 162-yard performance in a 33-27 double-overtime win at Arizona. His season total of 652 is good for #8 nationally, and only 66 yards short of matching his total from last season.

The 5-1 Utes have gotten a little bit lucky insofar as when they have happened across certain opponents. Opening against UCLA was certainly an easier task than having to play them right now, and when they ran into defending conference champion Arizona State last week, it was without Sam Leavitt at quarterback. They could be catching a break again this week, with some of the confidence fading from freshman BYU quarterback Bear Bachmeier, who had by far his worst game of the season last Saturday in Tucson.

This rivalry, known as the Holy War, is always hotly contested, as it should be since it features two schools that represent the only religion in America that once had its own army (Baylor, eat your heart out). That is, except for those guys with the peel-off faces who threatened subterranean New York with an atomic bomb, at some point in the distant future that ironically preceded us. They wouldn't be allowed to put that in a movie if it wasn't true.

Utah 24, Brigham Young 20

Washington at Michigan

These teams meet for the second time as Big Ten opponents since the maize and blue mushed up the Huskies in the CFP championship game to end the 2023 season. In that game at NRG Stadium in Houston, the Wolverines outrushed UW 303-46, but this year's Husky team is more offensively balanced.

Last season in Seattle, the Huskies prevailed 27-17, although it'll take a few more W's before they figure they've gotten their revenge. Poor Wolverine quarterback play made the difference in that game, with Jack Tuttle and Alex Orji combining for 113 passing yards. Freshman Bryce Underwood was expected to put those problems behind them, but so far he has been only marginally more productive.

Get it? "NRG" Stadium? The College Football Czar just figured out that those letters spell "nurge." Good thing you have him around to point out these subtle witticisms.

Washington 23, Michigan 15

Baylor at TCU

The Waco kids have always wanted to go nowhere special, so the last thing they want to do is screw everything up by climbing back into the Big XII title chase, so that they would stand a chance of making the playoffs. The fact that they only defeated Oklahoma State by a final of 45-27 suggests that they are safe.

The Horned Frogs could have used a burst of nurge in the first half against Kansas State, when they fell behind 28-7 on the way to a damaging 41-28 defeat. Senior wide receiver Eric McAlister and freshman Ed Small combined for 257 receiving yards in the unsuccessful comeback effort.

Some types of horned frogs have the ability to shoot blood from their eyes at their attackers. Big deal, says the Waco Kid, who can do the same thing after swilling a couple bottles of rotgut.

TCU 34, Baylor 31

UTSA at North Texas

It was a bad week for the winged green helmets, as the Mean Green joined Oregon in disappointing the home fans with their first loss of the season. (Memo to the U of O: This is a perfect justification to throw those wretched things out, and stick to your real helmet logo from now on.)

The Roadrunners feasted on Rice like it was a heap of bird seed, under a gigantic rock that wasn't going to fall on them after all. Will Hendersoniii needed only v carries to gain 115 yards and two TDs, to help get his team into the W-column in American Conference play in a 61-13 runaway.

Until last season, DATCU Stadium was called Apogee Stadium. They should change it back, because UNT needs to apogize for last Friday's 63-36 loss to South Florida. They led the Bulls 21-14 late in the first half, but then committed a rapid series of blunders to give up four touchdowns in less than four minutes of game time.

The Road Runner is really the same character as Speedy Gonzales. These here dissertations sure are a lot easier to write than college football picks.

UTSA 49, North Texas 42

The College Football Czar

a sports publication from The Shinbone