The Original
College Football Czar
Week 8
Week seven in review: That crash you just heard was the sound of many highly ranked football teams plummeting earthward, and taking the College Football Czar's season winning percentage with them. Starting at the top of the rankings, #1 Georgia, #2 Notre Dame, #6 Alabama and #7 Texas were all upset. Also, #4 Ohio State lost starting quarterback Julian Sayin with an injury to his throwing arm, while still managing to hold off fifth-ranked and defending national champion Indiana. So, all this upheaval must have really shaken up the playoff picture, right? Well, no, not really. That's what an expanded playoff format has done to the significance of regular season games. When they double the CFP field next season, these October and November games will be diminished even further.
The season's first head coach firing has happened, and if would have been surprising if it hadn't after last week's game. Mike Locksley has been let go by Maryland, with a record of 39-54 with the Terrapins, and an overall head coaching record of 41-80 including a disastrous stint at New Mexico. This past Saturday, the shellbacks slid to 0-4 in Big Ten play by blowing a ten-point halftime lead to Rutgers at home. Only a cantankerous social media lardhead wants to see somebody get fired, but it's part of the game, and head coaches' contracts being what they are these days, there really are no losers. The coach gets himself a nice parting gift of $9.75 million, and perhaps a Terrapin football home game and a case of Turtle Wax.
The Czar had a rare sub-.500 week, but it could have been worse. Thanks to late night second-half rallies by Oregon and New Mexico, he finished with a record of 9-11. For the season, he is 99-53, for a .651 winning percentage.
Oct. 23
Duke at Virginia
These teams might as well play each other now, because they won't be meeting in the ACC championship again, each of them having already taken its second loss in conference play. Last Saturday, the Blue Devils rallied from a 17-0 deficit to take the lead against North Carolina, but gave up a long, late TD drive and lost 24-20. Earlier that afternoon, the Cavaliers had gotten stifled by SMU, 23-13.
Cavalier quarterback Beau Pribula only has one interception this year, but part of the reason is that he doesn't throw the ball very deep or often. In seven games so far, the former Penn State and Missouri scrambler has topped the 200-yard mark only once, and that was against Delaware.
The Devils have dropped back-to-back games by small margins, even though they amassed more yardage than either of their opponents, and they were a plus-one in turnovers between the two games. Against the Tar Heels, they sputtered inside the ten-yard line on three occasions, resulting in two chip shots and a turnover on downs.
Speculation is that conference championship games will be eliminated when the playoffs are expanded to 24 teams. Considering the likelihood of a tie for first place, that is going to produce a lot of mythical conference championships. Just in case any playoff-mongering lardheads have the capacity to process irony, which they don't.
Virginia 21, Duke 16
Army at Tulsa
The Golden Hurricane got back in the win-column with a 31-point rally past Rice after trailing 17-7. At 4-3, and having ended a three-game losing streak, they are looking to reach a bowl game for the first time since 2021. That year they won four in a row, including the Myrtle Beach Bowl against Old Dominion, to finish the season with a winning record.
The Black Knights (4-2, 3-1) flattened Florida Atlantic 56-24 to climb into sole possession of third place in the American Conference, trailing only UTSA and North Texas. They buried the Burrowing Owls by going plus-3 in turnovers, and converting each of their three takeaways into seven points.
There's no such thing as a golden hurricane, you know. It's just that Tulsa changed uniform colors back in the 1920s, and because of their nifty new yellow threads, they were going to call themselves the Golden Tornadoes, probably in part a reference to dust storms. However, Georgia Tech was calling itself the Golden Tornadoes at the time, and TU didn't want to be a bunch of Roughriders about it, so they picked Golden Hurricane (singular, for some reason) instead. Of course, there are no hurricanes in Oklahoma, but tornadoes and hurricanes are both big round windy-thingeys, so why split hairs?
Hence, the highly precise discipline of "climate science" was born.
Army 29, Tulsa 24
Air Force at Wyoming
These representatives of the big square states are a lot closer to each other geographically than they are alphabetically, as they fall into the first and last positions when listing all of the schools in Division I-A football.
Cowboy quarterback Tyler Hughes easily handled winless Mountain West newcomer Northern Illinois by completing 16 of 19 for 196 yards, while rushing for 183 yards and four touchdowns on 12 carries. The 41-23 win tied them with the AFA and North Dakota State at 3-1 in the conference, with New Mexico more-or-less leading at 2-0.
The Lightning Eleven stormed off with a 41-31 victory against UNLV, by driving for a touchdown on every one of four second-half possessions. Their 430-yard rushing attack was led by QB Evan Medders with 152 yards, followed by halfback Rocco Conti with 103 and fullback Owen Allen with 96.
So, why is our military attacking Wyoming? Has that state done something to tick off the Russians?
Air Force 32, Wyoming 18
Oct. 24
Pitt at Miami
Miami is now ranked #1 for the first
time since December of 2002, just before their controversial double-overtime
national championship loss to Ohio State in the Fiesta Bowl. That's right.
The national championship was decided in a bowl game, played only two
days after New Year's, and on a Friday night, when most people with jobs could stay
out and get as flounder-faced as they wanted.
Those were the days.
The U was not among the many upset
victims in Week 8, but it did need double-overtime to put away rival Florida
State, 43-35. Wide receiver Malachi
Toney took his hiney-ho into the end zone twice, including once for the
game-winner, while making 11 receptions for 154 yards. So far this season, the Hurricanes are third
in the nation in passing yardage, and #13 in rushing.
It was the story of Pitt and the
pendulum last week at Boston College, where the Panthers put on a horror show
with 10 penalties for 103 yards in the first half alone. Freshman quarterback Corey Dailey completed a
long bomb for a 75-yard touchdown on the first pass attempt of his career,
leading his team to an early 12-0 advantage.
His inexperience soon showed, however, and BC barged back to take a
21-12 lead a minute into the second half.
The Panthers had the better of the play from that point on, and trailed
by only six when they intercepted late in the game, but a desperation deep ball
from Dailey was picked off to finish a 27-21 setback.
Pat Narduzzi's Panthers will almost
assuredly return to Pittsburgh on a three-game losing streak, and with their
postseason chances suddenly in doubt.
But the important thing is that they were ranked in Week 6, right coach?
Miami 41, Pitt 9
West Virginia at TCU
WVU leads the all-time series 8-6,
winning the first meeting way back at the 1984 Astro-Bluebonnet Bowl, by a
final of 31-14. You remember the Astro-Bluebonnet
Bowl. That was the one that was
sponsored by Robert Duvall and a dog from the future.
Okay, so you figure that can't be
true, because Duvall didn't play Bluebonnet in Open Range until almost
twenty years later, in 2003. So what? Haven't you ever heard of advanced marketing?
Anyway, the Mountaineers repeatedly
trailed while trading touchdowns with Cincinnati all day, until they finally
got a defensive stop, and drove from their own one-yard line into range for a
game winning field goal to beat the Bearcats, 45-42. Quarterback Michael Hawkinsjr almost doubled
his previous career-high with 464 passing yards, proving that some so-called
dual-threat quarterbacks are a genuine threat to throw the ball.
The Horned Frogs held Baylor out of
the end zone for the entirety of a 17-6 win in Waco. Senior linebacker Koron Hayward recorded
three sacks, which is 0.5 more than he had all last season. The leaping lizards vaulted over Ohio State,
Notre Dame and Indiana and into third place in the nation defensively in fewest
points allowed, trailing only New Mexico and North Dakota State.
What would you keep in half a sack,
anyway? Stuff you don't want?
TCU 14, West Virginia 13
Ole Miss at Texas
For the second year in a row, the
Longhorns lost to Florida. Last season,
it kept them out of the playoffs, and they treated it like a terrible
injustice. It wasn't then, and it won't
be this time, either. In fact, it would
take a miracle for the headhandles to steer themselves back into the
conversation at this point, at 1-2 in SEC play, with games remaining against
Mizzou and LSU, in addition to the Rebels.
Of course, the Rebs aren't going to
take a team lightly for losing to Florida, because it was they who got gashed
by the Gators 52-28 in Week 4. That
followed their big win against former coach Lane Kiffin and LSU. The letdown only lasted one week, however, to
be followed by blowout victories over Vanderbilt (52-17) and Missouri (31-3).
All of a sudden, Arch Manning's job
is not safe, and that's probably because Steve Sarkisian's job is not safe,
either. Sark was not feeling very
sharkneato after falling to 1-2 in the SEC, when he said, "I need a better
version of Arch Manning." Does he think
he can just drive up to Manning Farms and pick out a new one?
Ole Miss 31, Texas 21
Indiana at Michigan
Ohio State halted the Hoosiers'
22-game winning streak 19-15, when IU wide receiver Nick Marsh landed on the
boundary line while reeling in a fourth-down pass in the end zone. They'll look to start a new streak this
Saturday, having a fairly easy schedule remaining, apart from a Week 11 home
game against USC.
Hoover the Hoosier had a penchant
for turning the ball over when he played for TCU, as his old coach Sonny Dykes
will tell you. To the contrary, in his
senior year he has thrown 18 touchdown passes and no interceptions. You don't suppose coaching might have
something to do with it, eh Sonny?
The Wolverines plodded past Penn
State 21-18, posting their second-highest score so far this season. Starting QB Bryce Underwood was benched after
throwing two INTs and replaced by freshman Tommy Carr, grandson of former U of
M head coach Lloyd Carr. The kid's
go-ahead touchdown run made for a good story, but it's not apparent whether he
is capable of holding down the starting job, with coach Kyle Whittingham
declining to say who will get the nod this weekend.
The home stadium of the maize and
blue is known as The Big House, which is unfortunately fitting this season,
because the Wolverine fans must feel as if their presence there is a form of
punishment.
Indiana 22, Michigan 10
LSU at Auburn
AU was not in au of the
top-ranked Georgia Bulldogs, whom they upset 27-24 on a last-second field
goal. The last of three turnovers they
forced from UGA quarterback Gunner Stockton was a fumble near midfield, with
just under a minute to play.
The Bayou Bengals couldn't miss
against the missing Mississippians, easily defeating a depleted MSU team,
31-0. This game gives them a chance to
get back in the SEC hunt, with upcoming opponents Alabama, Texas and Tennessee
being the big game, so to speak.
Louisiana State QB Sam Leavitt
tookit to the mud puppies in that game for four touchdown passes. Still, he hasn't been throwing the deep ball
since pulling a hamstring against Texas A&M, as his total of 289 yards on
31 completions will attest. There has
been no suggestion of that tweak taking him out of the lineup, though, which is
a good thing considering the lack of experience behind him.
Lardhead Lane Kiffin says a 24-team
playoff is necessary because a nine-game conference schedule means there are
great SEC teams that lose a lot, and they need to be let in, too. The College Football Czar would like to
remind him that the ostensible purpose of the playoff is to determine which is
the best team in the nation, and if you finished sixth in your conference,
you're not it. That's not hard to
understand, even by SEC academic standards.
LSU 38, Auburn 35
Houston at Utah
The Utes remained unbeaten last
weekend, even though they played more poorly than some of the highly ranked
teams that got bumped off. Having led
lowly Colorado 13-0 at halftime, they trailed 17-13 late in the third quarter
before escaping by a final of 27-24.
Cougar QB Conner Weigman fired five
TD passes in a 35-32 victory over Oklahoma State. For the season, he has 20 touchdown tosses
and only two interception, and has added another six scores on the ground. In total touchdowns, then, he is even with
Oregon State pocket passer Braden Atkinson, who leads the nation with 24 TDs
through the air, and has added two short-yardage touchdown runs. (No, really! Oregon State.)
Just as it's rare to see a star
player stay at the same school for four years anymore, first-year Ute head
coach Morgan Scalley is a bit of an oddity in that he has remained at Utah for
his entire coaching career, ever since he was a graduate assistant there in
2007. He must really like salt, or
something.
Houston 24, Utah 17
Virginia Tech at Clemson
The Son of Clem chewed Charleston
Southern 37-0, in a typically pointless matchup against a Division I-AA
opponent that presents the I-A team with an opportunity for nothing but
injuries. On that score, at least, it
was a success, as the Tigers return to ACC action with their team intact.
The Gobblers have gotten to 5-2 with
a one-dimensional defense, which sells out to stop the run, thereby leaving
itself open to an air attack. It is not
at all apparent that the Tigers can take advantage of that. Their four quarterbacks have combined for
only two TDs this year, to seven interceptions.
If you see the Tiger players rubbing
the head of VT head coach James Franklin, they don't mean any disrespect. It's just that they've mistaken him for
Howard's Rock. On the rare occasions when
he removes his sunglasses, the resemblance is uncanny.
Virginia Tech 21, Clemson 19
Iowa at Minnesota
Speaking of sunglass-wearing
rocknoggins, P.J. Fleck comes into this game with exactly 100 career head
coaching victories, going back to his hiring at Western Michigan in 2013. Sounds nice, but the only reason he's not at
101 right now is because his team just got pummeled at Purdue, 41-13.
Jeremy Hecklinski gets the start for
the Hawkeyes, even though Hank Brown is believed to be better since injuring
his shoulder against Ohio State. There
is little if anything separating the two statistically, but Hecklinski handled
himself well last Friday in a 41-24 win at Washington.
For as much success as Fleck has had
as head coach of the Gophers, he is only 1-8 all-time in this rivalry
series. In last year's 41-3 thumping,
his team totaled only 133 total yards and ten first downs, much of which it
gave right back on QB Drake Lindsey's three interceptions.
These border rivals play annually
for possession of the Floyd of Rosedale Trophy, a bronze hog whose history has
been recounted on these pages before.
The radiant rodents have already won one trophy game, that being for the
Little Brown Jug. The College Football
Czar figured they would beat both Michigan and Iowa when pigs floyd, but if
they hoist the hog after this game, they'll have proven that they do.
Floyd of Rosedale was named after
Minnesota Governor Floyd Olson, whose middle name was Bjornstjerne. If the College Football Czar tried to
pronounce that, he would probably end up saying, "That's All, Folks!"
Iowa 20, Minnesota 13
California at SMU
The Mustangs (5-1, 3-1) remain well
in the running for an ACC title shot after winning their first three of a
four-game homestand, since losing at Louisville back in Week 3. In the opening series of their 23-13 victory
over Virginia, they went for it on fourth-and-one at their own 34-yard line,
just like it is suddenly controversial not to do. They were stopped, and the decision almost
cost them a touchdown, until they forced a fumble five yards from the goal
line. When are college football coaches,
fans and announcers going to start taking field position seriously again? Turnovers continues to be the most decisive
statistic in football, yet nobody seems to be afraid of giving up the short
field by turning the ball over on downs.
One of the many pieces of
conventional wisdom that has never been true is the old saw that a quarterback
doesn't lose the starting job when he's been replaced due to injury. Cal QB Jaron-Keawe Sagapolutele returned from
a concussion to play against Wake Forest last week, but he split time with starter
Jackson Brousseau, who had led them to a win a week earlier against Virginia
Tech. The truth be known, they both
would probably like to have split at some point during that 41-7
embarrassment.
Last Saturday, the Golden Bears wore
helmets honoring the Grateful Dead, and they played as if they had no talent,
energy, or pride in their work.
Coincidence? The College Football
Czar thinks not.
SMU 38, California 20
North Texas at Navy
When these teams first met in 2007,
somebody forgot to introduce the defenses.
The Naval Academy went on to win that game 74-62, which at the time set
the record for combined points in regulation time. The even stranger thing is that they actually
slowed down in the second half, after combining to score nine touchdowns in the
second quarter.
The 2-4 Midshipmen, expected before
the season to contend for the American Conference championship, lost another
close one, this time at Texas San-Antonio.
The lead changed hands four times in the fourth quarter, but when the
goat-to guys got the ball back late, they committed their ninth and tenth
penalties of the game to torpedo their final drive. The 38-34 loss was their fourth one by eight
points or fewer.
UNT (4-2, 2-0) is among the top half
of the league in defense measured in yardage, but in points allowed, they're
third worst, at 29.2 points per game.
And that average was a lot uglier until they won their most recent game
two weeks ago, 50-10 over Charlotte. The
Mean Green haven't given up any defensive or special teams touchdowns,
either. It's just that they can't stop
anyone who comes within catapult range of their end zone.
Why is the Navy team called the Mid-shipmen,
anyway? Shouldn't somebody be in the
front, steering the thing?
Navy 42, North Texas 38
Syracuse at North Carolina
With Steve Angeli's Achilles ailing
again this season, and Amari Odom out with a shoulder injury, Malachi Nelson
gets his third start behind center for the Orange. The redshirt junior is already on his fourth
team in as many years, having previously passed through USC, Boise State and
UTEP. For his career, he has a modest
56.8 completion percentage, with 11 touchdowns and 12 interceptions. And yet, he has moved the O effectively in
his first two games, keeping his team competitive against Virginia (38-35) and
Louisville (34-26).
UNC returns to the Chapel of Love
for the first time since losing to Notre Dame in Week 5, and it appears that
absence has made the heart grow fonder.
Consecutive four-point road wins at Pitt and Duke have helped the Tar
Heels steady themselves for a run at an ACC championship game berth.
Carolina coach Bill Belichick is
just starting to gain acceptance in his current position, and already he's the
subject of rumors about being hired away by the Dallas Cowboys. Oh, well.
It's not like he isn't used to dealing with (ahem) distractions.
North Carolina 34, Syracuse 24
Texas A&M at Alabama
Already at 1-3 in the SEC, the
Conjunction Boys are in danger of going off the rails on this road trip to
Tuscaloosa. Since starting last season
11-0, the ampersanders have only gone 4-5, and one of those wins was last
week's laugher against a lower-division opponent, the Citadel.
A&M quarterback Marcel Reed
would not want to read his press clippings this season. Granted, there is not much danger of him
doing this, because Reed is only 22 years old, and would probably have a good
laugh at someone actually clipping stories from newspapers and pasting them in
a scrapbook. Nevertheless, the senior
slinger's completion percentage, passing yardage, rushing yardage and
touchdowns are all down dramatically since last season. Not coincidentally, so is the Aggies'
scoring, which is twelfth in the SEC, down from fourth in 2025.
The Crimson Tide ground game let
them down in a big game yet again last week in a loss at the School of Hard
Knox, where they took a 26-10 bruising that produced only 54 rushing yards on
26 carries. Their current two-game skid
is their first since losing both the SEC championship and the Sugar Bowl to end
the 2013 season. They haven't lost three
straight since Nick Saban's first season in Tuscaloosa, back in 2007.
College football fans can now relive
the excitement of that season by watching part one of a 17-part series of the
coach's tenure at Alabama, entitled What Former Dungeons and Dragons Players
Do With Their Time If They Ever Grow the Hell Up.
Alabama 13, Texas A&M 9
North Dakota State at New Mexico
The NDSU special teams scored on two
peculiar plays in the same 31-17 win over Nevada. First, they pulled off an Auburn-style "kick
six" on the last play of the first half, when wide receiver Jackson Williams
fielded a long, unsuccessful UNR field goal attempt and returned it 100 yards
for a touchdown. Then, early in the third
quarter, they blocked an extra point and returned it for a defensive two-point
conversion. If the combination of those
two tallies isn't a first in the history of football, the College Football Czar
doesn't know it because he's just assuming that it is, and guessing that his
readers won't know to contradict him.
He's confident he'll get away with that all right, just as long as he
has the foresight to delete these last two sentences before posting this week's
picks.
As referenced earlier, these teams
give up the fewest points of anybody in Division I-A football, the Lobos at
10.5 points per game, and the Bison at 11.3.
You won't be surprised to learn that they've also faced lots of
completely inept offenses, which will not be the case for either of them this
week.
Like a lot of teams, UNM was a
little lackadaisical in the first half in Honolulu. However, it dominated the second half, which
was punctuated by a 49-yard touchdown run by Scottre Humphrey for a 21-10
victory. The Lobos lead the Mountain West,
but with only two conference games played, and those against teams with a
combined MWC record of 0-7.
It's a little-known fact that, just
as the people in Fargo call their team the "Bizon," as if it were spelled with
a Z instead of an S, in Albuquerque they pronounce the letter B like an F, so
thy call their team the "Lofos."
Well, not really. It's just that the College Football Czar is
running out of things to say about this game.
New Mexico 24, North Dakota State 21
UTSA at Tulane
The Green Wave won't return to the
CFP this season, but they were able to wipe out American Conference foe Memphis
last Friday night, and now they look to take out Texas-San Antonio, which would
pretty much spoil the playoff chances for the league as a whole. In their 31-17 takedown of the Tigers, they
took the ball away six times, which is just about what they have to do to score
that many points. TU is the only team in
the league that has yet to compile 2,000 yards for the season, and one among
only nine in the nation.
Texas-San Antonio is 6-1, but among its
five wins against Division I-A competition, four of them have been by seven
points or fewer. The other was a 59-45
firefight against a feeble Colorado State team, against which they allowed
exactly 500 yards. The meepers
surprisingly don't fare that well on the road, having only beaten last-place
Rice 16-14 in their most recent game outside of the Alamodome.
The Roadrunners find themselves on a
tu-lane highway leading them to this week's destination. Sounds like a trap.
Tulane 19, UTSA 12
Western Michigan at Toledo
The Rockets (5-2, 2-1) are only a
win away from bowl eligibility, in spite of having lost a large chunk of their
roster to Uconn along with coach Jason Candle.
In their first year under former Mercer head coach Mike Jacobs, they
erased Eastern Michigan from the top of the Mid-American Conference standings
in a 34-14 rout that was already 31-7 at halftime.
Considering that the Broncos (5-2,
3-0) have only lost to Michigan and Boise State, they're not out of the picture
as far as the group-of-six CFP bid is concerned. Because they lost badly to BSU on their home
field, however, they'll need the one-loss tater-staters to go down to defeat at
least twice more. Wins for WMU have
hardly been emphatic, though, especially on the road, where they've beaten Rice
and Central Michigan by seven points each, and Buffalo by only a field goal.
Then again, if they cared very much
about the "eye test," they'd have gotten rid of those helmets long ago.
Toledo 26, Western Michigan 20
Georgia State at Arkansas State
The Panthers (4-2, 1-1) were put in
their place by runaway league leader James Madison 49-22, but they still have a
chance for a very successful season by their standards. In fact, last year they went 0-11 against Division
I-A competition, but with a win in this toss-up game at A-State, they would be
within a game of bowl eligibility.
Rebounding from a ridiculous 56-49
defeat against South Alabama, the Red Wolves shut down Southern Miss 23-13 for
their first Sun Belt Conference win of the season. Their margin of victory really should have
been greater, considering that they had the game's only two takeaways, and also
forced its only three turnovers on downs.
GSU plays its home games in a renovated
former Major League Baseball stadium, where they are on a home run of three
consecutive victories. As the visiting
team, they have lost 14 of their last 16 going back to the middle of the 2023
season. To stay in the East division
pennant race, they need to have success on the road, where they have remaining
games against Arky State, App State and Marshall.
They can't be series.
Arkansas State 33, Georgia State 29
USC at Wisconsin
CheddAir was less than extra sharp
last week in a 17-7 loss at UCLA. With
the apparent advantage of facing backup Bruin quarterback Ty Dieffenbach,
senior slinger Colton Joseph made him look polished by comparison. The Badger QB completed only 6 of 16 passes
for 66 yards, while scrambling for another 71 yards on 18 carries.
At first glance, the Trojans (6-1,
3-1) are right in the thick of the Big Ten title chase, but they still have
Ohio State, Indiana and UCLA ahead on their schedule, and how good is a team
whose conference wins have been over Rutgers by seven, Washington by four and
Penn State by eight, anyway?
Before the fourth quarter of every
game at Camp Randall Stadium, they play "Jump Around," by some sort of an alleged
musical group called House of Pain that was briefly popular in 1992. A few years earlier, the House of Pain was a
nickname that the Houston Oilers gave to their home stadium, the
Astrodome. The College Football Czar
only points this out because it gives him an excuse to make a second reference
to the Astro-Bluebonnet Bowl in one week.
"Roh-roe, Rorge!"
USC 30, Wisconsin 24
a sports publication from The Shinbone